On the other, the trials and tribulations of raising children seem to be surprisingly standard. Not having kids of my own, I know from Twitter alone how much I’ve underestimated the lack of sleep parents face daily, as well as the abundance of cereal and laundry atop every surface.
Anyway, here are 31 parents who really, truly get it:
me *brings toddler his popsicle* What do you say?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 31, 2018
6yo: I need to fart
Me: No, we're eating
6yo: Ok, I'll just hold it in with my hand
6yo: It didn't work
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 20, 2016
Let's get married and have kids so instead of going to happy hour you can make a boxed dinner while I figure out common core math homework.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 13, 2018
I asked my 5 yr old if she wanted to help me make a cake and she said that she doesn't make cakes. She eats them.
Her face will be on currency one day.
— Patsy Simon (@Simeogirl) November 11, 2018
[Making macaroni and cheese]
5yo: I wanna put the cheese in!
Me, handing her open packet of powder: Okay, can you VERY carefully pour this in?
5yo: *Just fucking waves the packet around like she’s throwing rice at a wedding*
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 13, 2018
8yo: Mom, will you put ketchup on my hotdog?
Me: You’re old enough to do it yourself.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 5, 2018
2am. Wake up to 3 standing next to my bed.
Me: oh my God what are you doing?
3: You said last night I could have chocolate.
3: But you didn't give me my chocolate.
3: So now I want my chocolate.
Me: Any chance we'll sleep tonight without the chocolate?
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 10, 2018
Just caught my 9yo forging my signature on a school paper. He’s going to be a blast as a teenager.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 24, 2018
Pumpkin patches, so you can pay $50 for kids activities like “here, pet this goat” and “chip your tooth in this overcrowded bouncy house.”
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) October 19, 2018