Teachers Are Sharing The Funniest But Rudest Things Students Have Said, And It’s Just So Good

Teachers have it pretty rough. They are underpaid, overworked, and still expected to nurture and help raise children who will grow up and be in charge of the world. It’s a lot of responsibility without much of a payoff, unless you’re a superb human being who just enjoys doing the right thing and “making a difference,” or whatever. (Seriously, teachers, thank you and bless you.)

At the end of the day, though, teachers are still just teachers. The good ones have a sense of humor. u/Cram__bone recently posed the following question to the AskReddit community: “Teachers of Reddit, what’s the funniest thing you’ve heard a student say that you unfortunately had to punish them for?” Here are the funniest (and rudest!) response:


Student – “small d*cks matter…”

Me – “AJ, let’s keep it school appropriate.”

Student – “Small pen*ses matter.”

Couldn’t help but laugh.



Last week, I joking told one of my grade 8 students that he better behave because Santa was watching. He strolled away saying nonchalantly, “Santa, my *ss…”

I cracked up.



My girlfriend is a teacher. There was a little boy in her class who was finger painting. He stops, looks at his hands and says,

“Now how the f*ck do I get this off?”



Not me but my fiancé.

She’s a really great teacher but was having trouble with this one class. One of the students asked her,

“Mrs Teacher, do you have any kids?”

Fiancé: “Oh God no!”

Kid: “That might be for the best”



Teaching a class of high school seniors. They were pissed about something and wouldn’t let me get a word in. Worst *sshole in the class raises his hand for probably the first time in his life, so I call on him.

He says, “Thank you, Mr. L. I don’t know what you’re trying to tell us but I think everyone needs to SHUT THE F**K UP SO YOU CAN TALK.” Took everything in my power not to crack up. I didn’t get him in trouble. He won a place in my heart that day.



Kid in my class was given some bad news once and exclaimed “aw sh*t right on my d*ck…” it was inappropriate, but it sounded so incredibly genuine and defeated. My English teacher (early twenties, fresh out of school) looked like she was in physical pain, having to punish him, despite laughing uncontrollably and feeling sympathy for his situation.



One of our students (learning disabled) dumped a glass of water on another student (also learning disabled) because “we don’t have time for naps today…. we have to watch a movie.”

I cried real tears under my desk because I could not stop laughing.



From South Korea, we were learning “good at”.

“I am good at soccer.”

“I am good at English.”

“Teacher! She is good at ugly!”


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When attempting to explain the physics of leverage and moving a heavy thing I said “You can move it the way the Egyptians did”

Kid immediately piped ” You get a bunch of Jewish slaves to do it?”



A friend of mine teaches 1st grade, one day her class was watching Hercules and during the scene where Hades is smoking a cigar a kid shouts “Miss ——! He’s smokin’ a fat blunt!” I can’t imagine trying to keep a straight face when she had to tell her that she can’t say that kind of stuff in school.