No one is supposed to be leaving their house right now or gathering in groups. All the things that once defined time for us, like school, sports, work, have either been canceled or completely transformed. There are no evening plans and often no reason to get up in the morning. While some people have managed to wrangle some sort of schedule for the day, most of us are measuring the day by how long it takes to eat our snacks.
It’s pretty wild how quickly the basic construct of time has broken down under the current circumstances, but at least we’re all in it together. It seems like everyone has noticed how formless the world has really become! And they’re making pretty great jokes about it on Twitter. Here are some of the best to read for a few minutes. Or perhaps hours. Or maybe you’ve always been reading tweets here. Who knows.
“It’s too early for this shit.”
– Me, from 12am to 11:59 PM every day
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) March 30, 2020
I wish days of the week underwear were still a thing so I knew what the hell day of the week it is.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 1, 2020
Academics before COVID-19: “What day is it”
After COVID-19: “What day is it”
— Shit Academics Say (@AcademicsSay) April 6, 2020
You’ve got to feel sorry for us freelancers who used to measure the week by when our family left us alone. We have no idea what day it is anymore. Before there was family-at-home days and not family-at-home days. Now only family-at-home days.
— PJ Holden (@pauljholden) April 6, 2020
I never know what day it is, I just be waking up pic.twitter.com/8pqPJSDlRN
— alfredo (@aizvla) April 5, 2020
WAKE UP YOU BEAUTIFUL SEXY AMAZING WONDERFUL PEOPLE I DONT KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS EXACTLY BUT I THINK MONDAY OR TUESDAY OR WHATEVER BUT TODAY IS GOING TO BE AWESOME I AM GOING TO MAKE ALL STAR CARDS AND ATAY HOME AND RUN AND STOP PLAYING GAMES AND LETS GOOOOOOOOO NO WHERE!!!!
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) April 6, 2020
Gwenyth Paltrow said in an interview we should take this time to learn a new language or write a book. I just shook chip crumbs out of my bra & I don’t know what day it is. I’m fairly certain I’m not going to attempt either of these things.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 28, 2020
never really got into TGIF but am happy to acknowledge TDEA (time doesn’t exist anymore)
— good small horce (@george_llevi) March 27, 2020
In case you’ve lost track, today is THURSDAY.
— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) April 1, 2020
You know that time between christmas and new year where time doesnt make sense and no ones knows what day it is? Every day is that now. Should i be working? No idea. Is it too early to drink? Who cares. That weird thing in the foil in the freezer? Fuck it lets eat that.
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) March 21, 2020