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Parents Are Sharing The Funniest Things Childfree Folks Have Told Them About Parenting (15 Stories)

Folks with babies! You probably said a lot of random stuff about childcare before your life became consumed by keeping a tiny human alive.

And you were probably wrong, or at least very ignorant.

On Reddit, parents are sharing the funniest things they have ever heard a childfree person saying about life with baby.

(And in many cases, the funny things they said about children before they had their own.)

The next time someone says you can use maternity leave to do anything productive other than sustain your child’s life and try and sleep a little bit, just take a deep breath and remember you are not alone.


“I was getting a passport when my daughter was 3 weeks old. I was getting one for her too, and the man said that I couldn’t hold her, that she needed to sit up on her own. Mind you, my baby was also a month early and at 3 weeks she weighed 6 pounds and was 18 inches. He literally argued with me that I couldn’t hold her for the picture, and stormed off to get a manager. How the heck is a preemie 3 week old going to sit up for her pictures?” — Ihaveaboobybaby


“I foolishly thought I’d have all this free time during my maternity leave year with my first child, and at one point even suggested to my husband that if we were ever to get a puppy, that would be the time because I’d be home to train it! (I’ve never owned a dog, so this was a double whammy of child and canine blissful ignorance.)” — Chapnau


“While I was pregnant I was spending some time with a friend who had no children yet. At one point I realized my baby hadn’t moved as much as normal and I voiced my concerns to my friend saying I might need to go and get checked over. She said “Can’t you just tell the baby to move with your mind?” Like she thought babies and mothers are somehow telepathically linked and genuinely thought that I could make that happen. I couldn’t help but burst into laughter and then my baby started kicking away again. He must have found it funny too!” — Minxmallow


“When I was pregnant I couldn’t sleep well because every position was uncomfortable (I also have arthritis). A friend said: ‘You probably cannot wait to give birth so you can catch up on some sleep!’” — Poekienijn


“We went to a wedding when our baby was 2 months old and they had set a place at the table for her…complete with a full set of metal cutlery and a highchair.” — whoevenc4res


“We were convinced that having a baby would have no significant impact on our ability to do things. So at seven weeks old when we got a message a relative was in our city for one night we said ‘sure we’d love to meet for dinner’ and committed to a one-hour train journey in each direction and dinner. We got home at 10pm exhausted and saying ‘never again.’ The meal was wonderful but the trip home was exhausting.” — BeardedBaldMan


“When working on our baby shower registry my husband couldn’t understand the need for, 1. Strollers (‘I’ll just carry my babies’) and 2. Baby monitors (‘if my babies cry I’ll just go check on them’). What makes it even funnier is that we were having twins. He sees the error in his ways.” — bobafettwheremc


“My favorite is when friends used to hit me up at like 7 at night asking me to come out THAT NIGHT. And would then be shocked I couldn’t just ‘get someone to watch the baby.’ Now they just never ask lol actually come to think of it…now I just don’t have friends lmao.” — kay37892


“My favorite is one said by my husband. When my daughter was born, I worked part-time from home. As she got older and more mobile (around 5-6 months), it got so much harder to work, since sometimes I had to be on conference calls and try to entertain her at the same time. My husband said, ‘don’t worry, it’ll get easier when she’s around 12 months old and you can just sit her down for an hour or two with a coloring book.’ She’s 3 now, and I remind him of that comment every so often.” — ada_grace_1010


“My sister, who has no children, visited once and scolded me for letting my children take the couch cushions off the couch and make a fort. I was thinking…seriously? That is like the last thing I am worried about having 3 kids under 7.” — momhh434444