Kids With No Filters Will Never Not Be Funny (34 Tweets)

You’ve probably heard that “kids say the darndest things,” or at least remember the show of the same name (and are now awkwardly remembering it was hosted by Bill C*sby). Anyway, it’s true.

Kids have no filter, no concept of tact, and very small brains that can occasionally churn out some weird, creative, and brutally honest burns. Sometimes strangers find themselves on the receiving end of a spicy toddler burn, but usually it’s parents who get roasted. Here are some of the funniest, harshest, no-filter things kids have (allegedly) said to their moms and dads.

1.

4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?

Wife: I got this for Mother's Day.

4: You're only a mom because of me.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2017

2.

3.

[At dinner]
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it's 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016

4.

My 11-year old's birthday card to me. #blessed pic.twitter.com/URbZEQmmQa

— Brian Sack (@brian_sack) October 5, 2015

5.

dad: "come on, you guys are LATE!!!!"
11yo: "you should have started YELLING at us earlier!"

— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) June 30, 2016

6.

Me:"Sweetie, what do you say when you do something wrong?"

4yo: "I didn't do that!"

— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) April 4, 2016

7.

https://twitter.com/LeenaVanD/status/801580517350985728

8.

Me: I think I ate too much.
4yo: Yeah, but not just today.

— Aaron Aryanpur (@aaroncomedian) November 26, 2016

9.

10: Mom what's a metaphor?

Me: My life is a train wreck.

10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?

— 🌴Sardonic Tart🌴 (@SardonicTart) December 12, 2014

10.

6YR OLD: does it hurt, daddy?

ME: [with a tissue up my nose to stop the bleeding] yes

6: good…that'll teach you not to eat my ice cream

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) August 17, 2016