A mom on TikTok is getting a lot of attention for her stance on parents’ relationships with their children, and the boundaries adult children are allowed to put in place.
Lisa P is a creator who posts on life as a mom, navigating relationships and the general dynamics of parenthood. In June, she posted a video about setting boundaries with her mother.
She described the relationship as her having to be the caretaker of her mother’s feelings, which can be a lot for a person.
The small boundary she gave as an example was not allowing her mother to bring her puppy over to Lisa P’s house. Understandable. Puppies are chaotic messes with the stress-inducing power of at least two human babies.
WELL. Lisa P received comments — mostly from older women, aka “Karens” — on that video essentially shaming her for not being grateful for all her mother has done. And the TikTok she uploaded in response is spot on regarding the dynamics between a parent and their adult child.
If an adult child sets boundaries, it does not negate their love or appreciation for the parent.
She goes on to clarify.
“Children don’t owe their parents a certain kind of relationship, and depending on the parent, they might not owe them respect, either.”
It’s true. Respect has to be earned and kept. If a parent is consistently disrespecting their adult child, that child has every right to say enough. The two people in the scenario are adults, and the child is no longer dependent on the parent for survival.
But once that person is an adult, they are a fully formed human being. And Lisa P makes clear that all the stuff adult children should be grateful for is the bare minimum. It is literally what parents signed up for.
“It’s a parent’s job to provide for their children. It’s a responsibility. Not everyone rises to the occasion, but that’s like the bare minimum, taking care of your kid’s physical and financial needs. The level above that is their emotional needs, which good parents do, but all of that is not a contingent relationship. You’re not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults.”
Being a mother herself, Lisa P admits that she has this conversation with her husband frequently. What they have decided is that if they do a good enough job of raising their kids, fostering a good relationship and focusing on building a strong family unit, those kids will want to have relationships with them as adults. It’s a benefit of parenting, not an expectation.
The video received 4.3 million views and 658.2K likes, with people supporting the message in the comments section.