Parenting

22 Parents Share The Moment They Realized Their Kid Was A Bully And What They Did About It

12.

Recently, because I’m working from home and so get to hear, albeit distractedly, the discourse between my two youngest sons. My ears perked when I heard the oldest one’s voice drop and the other react with a sudden wail. Then the older one, cool as a cucumber, affected as hell, say “Hey… are you ok, little buddy?” while the other one continued to cry. I strode into the little one’s bedroom in time to see the older one towering over the younger one staring at him menacingly. But he saw me from the corner of his eye and continued with the fake tone, “Mom, something’s wrong with that chair, he was sitting in it and it just like flipped over.”

I just could not believe how he could believe that I would buy that. And his tone was just… fake. It gave me chills. I had never seen that side of him before. He’s 13 btw. —PurpleVein99

13.

I was a bully in middle school, and I can tell you that you won’t get many good answers. People like me get that way because nobody is paying any attention. If nobody makes you feel good you do it yourself. And children aren’t mature enough to do that properly. So they try to steal happiness from others. They’ll put you down to feel good. That’s why bullies break down if you beat them just once, their hand has slipped from the last string of control they had. It’s not pleasant for anyone, and the longer it goes on, the more irreparable the damage becomes.

TLDR; pay attention to your kids, and show them the way of kindness by example —unusually_tiny_horse

14.

Not a parent, nor a sister- but we take care of our girl relative as often as we can (she has her own family, we’re just close)

She’s 8 now and started bullying when she started school because she thinks she’s “dominant”

Underlying reasons are mainly rooted in the household and environment: how she’s being treated (mostly by adults), how people react to her actions, how she’s being reprimanded, methods (and how often) she’s disciplined, who she’s surrounded by, etc.

Still hard to fix right now, but best method: keep calm and explain to the child. Cause-effect, consequences, the feelings and situation of the victim, etc. Remember that you’re dealing with a kid, don’t just scold them and expect em to see at your level of maturity and understanding. Explain, talk it out. Their stubbornness will get in the way, but stay firm and ease your way into their trust and comfort. Child Psychology, learn it.

She’s not intentionally bad… Just that her jokes come off as sarcasm at such a young age, to the point of insult sometimes. We found out from her teachers and classmates. Problem: her household doesn’t see this as an issue to address and actually celebrates her cleverness. But even when they do, their way of discipline obviously apparently doesn’t work —bunsiescheeks

15.

I was acquainted with a bully early on in elementary school. The way too aggressive type. I remember my other friends and I incidentally had similar stories of the bully trying to drown us in the local pool. He would punch kids all the time for no reason, and was extremely defensive, and mentally weak – even for an 8 year old. Despite it all, his parents were very nice, but spoiled him a fair amount. One day, on the first day of school that year, he was gone and nobody knew what happened. We assumed he moved away until 6 years later. My friends and I were all playing soccer at the park across from the bully’s house when suddenly we all spotted the bully atop his backyard play structure, fighting a younger man with a toy lightsaber. We all then came to the consensus that he had been sheltered for the past 6 years and most likely never left the house. Which I guess is one way to deal with a bully. —GTMILK

16.

I am a parent but of only a 4 year old. But I was a huge bully in high school and I’m such an idiot it never even dawned on me until I was like maybe 21-22. I did horrible stuff just for laughs. But I made it a priority to personally apologize to everyone formally and in person since then. It’s one of my highest priorities as a father to ensure my son embraces everyone as a friend when he gets older. —dougwertz

17.

My kid is fairly popular, more than I ever was, and I’m ashamed to admit I was conflicted when I learned from their school that they’re part of a clique that bullies others.

My first thought should’ve been disappointment, but instead it was “I’m glad he doesn’t have to put up with bullying like I had to as a kid.” It was an instinctual response that borders on tribalism, i.e. I’d rather have my kid be a popular bully than be an unpopular victim.

But afterwards I approached it logically and sat him down, shared with him my experiences during school and how bullies nearly ruined my childhood. My kid respects me and hasn’t seen me that vulnerable before, so it ended up making an impact. I’m sure though as long as he sticks with that same social circle he will still be in situations where he looks the other way on bullying. I can only continue to try and guide him to the best of my ability. —throwrentbully

18.

I was a bully in middle school and high school and was bullied as well. I never saw myself as a bully because I was constantly picked on and made fun of and didn’t realize how many people’s feelings I was hurting.

It honestly took a trip to the office freshman year for me to come face to face with the fact that I was making other people feel bad about themselves. My mom sat me down and reminded me of my insecurities and how I used to come home and cry. She told me if I wanted to make other people hate me like I hated my bullies, then I should keep on doing what I’m doing.

She also whooped me. I made reparations and try to be better than I am. I have a tough mom. —rajarajana

19.

I am not sure all parents recognize or even care if their kid is a bully. My friends kid is a terrible bully. We can no longer have them over to our house or have play dates at all. This kid verbally and physically abuses other kids all the time and the parents take no action. On two occasions she was caught in the act of punching my kid at a play date for no reason. As soon as the parents began to discipline her, she started to cry. That’s when things got weird. They started comforting her as if she was the one who got hurt and then they started apologizing to her and asking her if she needed some space. She was not disciplined in any way nor was she asked to apologize for her behavior… quite the opposite, she was treated like a victim. They told me they are practicing “kind discipline”. Basically there are no consequences for this kid.

I have three kids and hell would freeze before I handled them misbehaving that way. —Mo0may

20.

I did work for an old italian ganster who had 3 daughters, he found out that they were ganging up on another girl at school and abusing her for various reasons. His punishment was to make them sand the entirety of he outside of their 2 story house by hand and then paint it, he watched them like a hawk and made sure they did a quality job… it took them 6 weeks, 4 hours a night after school. —judge_au

21.

My parents knew I was trouble since the beginning of school but never really gave me much except a slap on the wrist. The final straw was when I was in 4th grade. My dad got called in to the school after the principal told him a special education needs kid refused to come to school because I’ve been bullying him so much. I got a real good beating then, and my parents were so ashamed they decided to transfer schools. Lo and behold they chose a french immersion school as my next school. Without knowing a single word in French, I became shy and introverted at the new school just enough to be no longer a complete jackass. —MonkeyDaFist

22.

I started to be a bit of a bully around age 12. My mom saw me being rude to a girl and promptly dressed me down. She also marched me right up to the girl (and her parents) and said, “my daughter was being rude to you and she owes you an apology.”, all while giving me the death glare. Later she told me how she was bullied and how it affected her. I felt like the biggest pile of sh—t and I never bullied again. —Iforgotmyquestion

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Aimeé Lutkin