Patricia Grisafi
When I found my wedding dress, I cried. It was a really emotional moment that I didn’t not prepare myself for because I’m not typically very sentimental. So no matter how excited you are about that dress or figure it’s just another garment to wear to a party, there is something really wonderful that happens when you find a dress that speaks to you.
So what happens when your mother-in-law tries it on in secret and then totally ruins it? That’s the problem one Redditor is facing—and she’s ready to postpone the wedding over it.
“Me 26F and my fiancé 28M been engaged for 4 months, we’re planning on having our wedding on October 18th. My future mother in law kept annoying me and sending me suggestions for choosing the right wedding dress, and said that she knew better and tried to get me to approve of wedding dresses that she chose and when she couldn’t enforce her decision she demanded that I take her with me to buy my wedding dress so she could have an opinion.”
Classic overstepping of boundaries, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility for a parent excited about their child’s upcoming wedding.
Well, the mother-in-law did not end up going shopping, but the OP ended up going with her mother and found a really nice dress that was a bit out of her budget—but totally worth it. She made some changes to the dress so it was perfect for her, and she stored it in a safe place at her apartment.
“Yesterday, I got back from my mom’s house, and found that my fiancé wasn’t home neither was the dress. I called him immediately knowing that he must’ve taken it to show it to his mom since she continuously asked to see it and refused to have me send her pictures of it on Facebook. I was so mad when it was confirmed that my fiancé took it to show it to his mom.”
“When he arrived I ran to get my dress that was buried underneath grocery bags, I took it to check on it and it’s zipper was broken and the dress itself (fabric) was stretched out, I was like what the fuck happened to it, my mother-in-law must’ve tried it on, because it looked ruined, the straps were almost loose, I had to call my mother in law when my fiancé told me his mom and sister took turns to try it on.”
“I was absolutely livid, she told me she did nothing wrong and that I was making a big deal out of it. She said she’d get a replacement for the broken zipper, but I told her to pay for a new dress since it was stretched out and no longer fitting, she refused and said that I probably wasn’t happy with my dress choice and wanted to her to pay so I could get a new one.”
Sounds like a mother-in-law I probably wouldn’t want to spend much time with.
The OP yelled at her mother-in-law for trashing her dress, and explained that they should both pay for a new dress since they ruined the old one. I’m mad at both of them and seriously considering postponing the wedding.”
What should the OP do?
“Girl do you hear yourself?? Your fiance took your wedding dress without permission and allowed multiple people to try it on! Do you understand how disrespectful and inapropriate that is? You not only have a bad mother in law problem, you have a HUGE fiance problem. Needless to say, id be doing more than postponing,” said mindcontrolmanatee.
“Fiancé is as much to be blamed (if not more) than MIL. Waited for OP to be absent so he could take the dress because he knew she wouldn’t be okay with it. And now he doesn’t even acknowledge that it is his and his mother’s responsibility to pay for the damage,” explained -Alula.
“1- request payment for the dress from both the mother in law and sister in law. Do this over text and save any and all messages where they admit what they did, even if they still refuse to pay. This way you have proof they ruined it, then tell them if they won’t pay you for the dress you will be suing them for the money. If they still don’t budge serve them with papers. This will definitely get them to pay for it. 2- after you have all the money and they have payed you. LEAVE your fiancé. This is a HUGE red warning sign, showing you what the rest of your life with this man will be like. Do you want to have kids with a man who can’t say no to his mother? What if he circumcises your kid without your knowledge? Takes your child somewhere you don’t want him to? All because of his mother? This is what your entire life with this man will be like. 3- once you leave him pawn the engagement ring. You deserve the money for everything they have put you through,” advised SohpieBlake_
“First off, it’s super rude to try on someone else’s wedding dress. It’s extremely rude to try a dress on to the extent that the zipper breaks. Like, there had to have been some serious tugging and yanking and signs the dress obviously did not fit before the zipper broke. But it’s really, really creepy that your fiancee’s mom wanted to wear your wedding dress. Did she imagine herself marrying her son? And it’s very, very red-flaggy that your fiancee treated your wishes so cavalierly. Does he plan to put his mother ahead of you when it comes to things like kids or who he spends time with? Is there a pattern of him ignoring your wishes when it conflicts with hers? Does she make ‘jokes’ about how you’re taking her son away,” asked fiveoclockmocktail.
“The issue isn’t about the wedding dress. The issue is about boundaries. You would be right to be upset of they tried on ANYTHING of yours without permission, but that your fiance TOOK it to them to try on?!? Oh FN. You need to discuss with your future SO about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. For me this would be break up worthy. My SO needs to respect me and my wishes before his parents because we are a team and need to act like a team. Freaking…so many lines crossed! The second hand anger is real…Btw, take them to small claims court (no lawyers needed) for the cost of the dress and go buy a new one. Don’t eff around or they will continue to try and do this kind of stuff. Lastly, I would bet money your FMIL wanted to pick the dress specifically to use it on another occasion,” advised The_Thugmuffin.
What would you advise the OP to do in this situation?
