Patricia Grisafi
Preparing to give birth is exciting but terrifying.
You’re exhausted, your hormones are all over the place, and you might even be in physical pain from carrying around all that extra weight.
And if you’re preparing to have a C-Section, that’s a major surgery that carries a whole additional round of concerns. So if you’re worried and want the best care possible, that’s totally normal.
But on Reddit, apparently, it’s not.
One poster who cast his wife as a crazy nag for wanting the best care for herself and her baby went off and had a C-Section at a hospital she was uncomfortable at because her husband refused to pay for her to stay at a different hospital. Then she gave her baby her maiden name on the birth certificate. Was the OP wrong to withhold money for her care? Yes, yes, yes — and an a**hole for many other reasons.
“I’ve been married to my wife for 3 years. I have a 16 yo son from my previous marriage and his grandparents and I are on good terms. We’ve set up a joint account to contribute towards his college fund. The problem started when my wife requested that I pull money from my son’s college fund to pay for a C-section in a private hospital. I declined her request and refused to even negotiate. She complained about how I didn’t seem to care about her or our son’s wellbeing even though there was nothing to worry about in terms of health. Yes every medical procedure has its own risks but the local free hospitals we have are decent and offer great care.”
The OP said that their family and friends had kids in the local hospitals, but his wife criticized what she believes was poor services. He says he tried to reassure her that she would be fine, but she told him that she would put her maiden name on the birth certificate if he refused to help put money towards the C-section. He refused.
“She stopped bringing it up and days later she had a scheduled C at a the local hospital, and I wasn’t allowed to be at the hospital and I respected her wish. I only saw my son when she came home and I was shocked to learn she went ahead and put her maiden name on the BC.”
“I immediately went off on her, but she said I caused this and claimed I was obviously favoring my oldest over my youngest before he was even born. I said she was dead wrong and called her petty and vengeful for doing this purely to punish me solely for the fact that I was unable to afford a private hospital.”
The OP’s wife started crying, and her mom got involved as well. The OP had an argument with her and that even though she didn’t approve of her daughter’s behavior, she said the OP should be blamed “for disregarding my wife’s needs after she made them clear and pointed out that pulling some money for the private hospital wouldn’t hurt.” The OP’s parents disagreed and called his wife “unhinged and toxic.”
What do Redditors think?
“This is an INFO situation. How much is OP putting in the fund a month? Is it interfering with his ability to contribute financially in other areas? Could they have taken out a loan? Could he have pulled together some money and asked his and her parents for the rest to make it up? He straight up said no, end of discussion. That’s wrong. Most women don’t know they’ll have to get a C-section until an issue arises. Perhaps she was fine with the public hospital (vaginal birth) until the doctor told her she’d need a scheduled C-section. Birth injuries and birth trauma can cause lifelong issues. OP straight up dismissed every concern and told her to suck it up. That’s not okay. Maybe the public hospital is known for f*cking up the incision? Maybe she has friends who never felt right after having a C-section there. Who knows??? OP doesn’t go into it. If you aren’t the pregnant woman it’s very easy to point to a ‘high survival rate.’ Most men don’t have female friends telling them about permanent incontinence, pain that never goes away, doctors leaving rags in your body because they were careless, etc. Honestly I think the only issue she’s for sure and a**hole on is not going hyphenated instead of just her name. It sounds like disregarding her fear of birth was the last straw and they’re on their way to a divorce,” said Valuable-Dog-6794.
“The end of discussion? No. OP has a partner who is having his baby and the discussion needed to be ‘I hear your concerns. Where can we find funds to support your desire for private care?’ Not ‘no, and you don’t even need private care end of discussion,'” noted Ladyughsalot1.
“Tbh everyone’s outrage that she dare put her name on her child’s BC reeks of male entitlement. It’s his name or hers and she put hers. Yes they should have agreed but they also should have agreed in her healthcare in the birth of their son, and he did not do that. He left her out in the cold at the moment she needed him most for the sake of principles. On paper, yes they shouldn’t have used the money from that fund. But in reality a good partner would find another way and would certainly do everything to be there for the birth of their child despite recent arguments,” explained throwawayturdbomb.
“Where I live, the public hospitals don’t have enough funding and the community hears horror stories. If I was told I needed a C-section i’d want it at a private hospital too. Shouldn’t take the money from the college fund, but I think they should have tried to work something else out. This is a stressful time and giving birth is a lot. Just think they are both a**holes,” said MarieKendall3100.
“Your wife is about to give birth to her first child, she is worried that the quality of health care that she will receive in this incredibly painful and vulnerable moment in her life is not good enough. Instead of taking her seriously, trying to understand why she is concerned and potentially brainstorming for other ways to get the money to pay for the treatment, you laugh in her face and tell her she ‘should be fine with the free stuff,’ sure, easy for you to say as it’s not your vagina that will potentially burst open, and then get pissed the kid doesn’t get your last name like it’s 1950. You’re a huge ass and I hope she divorces you,” said nana_banana2.
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