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AITA

Man Wonders If He Was Wrong To Give Nephew $50k Loan For Wedding Gift

Wedding registries are a great way to direct family and friends in the right direction when you’re planning a wedding.

It’s also a good opportunity to stock up on basics, like all the towels and sheets you will inevitably run through, and maybe a good pot.

But most importantly, it’s a way to hopefully avoid receiving random and useless crap that will only be donated or trashed because who honestly needs four sets of placemats? This is 2020, and if you’re not eating your dinner on the floor in front of the television while your dogs hover nearby, get with it.

On Reddit, one poster is wondering if his wedding gift (a generous loan) was actually inappropriate—but it’s honestly one of the best gifts he could have given. 

“I’m 55M retired after getting really lucky with investments. I’m not ‘rich’ but me and my wife have more than enough to live comfortably for the rest of our lives. My nephew 24M has been putting himself through an ordeal this year. Trying to hold onto his job while also proposing and planning a wedding to his lovely girlfriend while also planning to buy a house. After doing the math on his purchase, due to HOA rules he needed another 35k in cash to close the deal. As soon as I heard about this I offered to lend him $50k interest free as a wedding gift. I told him he can pay it back whenever he can. I know Reddit has a thing about not lending to family but he’s a good kid and he’s good for it. No question,” the OP writes. 

“My nephew, his soon to be wife, and my brother have all called me to thank me for the gift. To be honest I’m happy to help out the new couple so it’s not a big deal. My sister-in-law on the other hand was not so sanguine. She called me this morning to tell me the couple has an online wedding registry and I told her I already gave the couple my gift. She got very upset with me and told me that a loan is not a gift since I’ll eventually get all the money back. I told her that it is a gift because:

  1. The loan is interest free, whereas with a bank over 30 years they’d probably pay $25k in interest

  2. My nephew doesn’t need to spend the money; the HOA just insists be have it in cash. (Don’t ask…) He intends to invest it, and should be able to grow it in the coming years. Eventually he can return the principle and keep all the gains

  3. They couldn’t buy the house without the money, so part of the gift is the ability to buy their dream house

  4. The couple is happy with their gift.”

I mean, this sounds like a great gift. It’s certainly way more helpful than paperweights and napkin holders. But the OP says that his SIL has taken the opportunity to call him “miserly and cheap” and “insisted I actually spend some money to buy the couple a gift.” 

The OP worried that his SIL might have a point, so he did purchase some things off the registry. But what good is useless registry crap if you don’t have a place to put it?

Was the OP wrong to give his nephew a loan? Or is his gift actually super helpful and thoughtful? 

“The AUDACITY to call you cheap after giving her son a 50K loan to buy a new house?! I thought this was going to be a post about them being annoyed you didn’t consult them first but…she’s just upset because she wants you to buy her kid a SECOND GIFT? I’m not sure why you’d even think you’re the asshole here, but rest assured you’re not,” said beantownregular. 

p class=”_1qeIAgB0cPwnLhDF9XSiJM”>”NTA. That’s a gift. A very generous gift. SIL needs to mind her own business,” said JessMarianosHair

“Your loan was a gift. Even though you expect the principal balance back eventually, you gifted them open-ended deadline with no interest and, as you said, the ability to buy their home. Without your loan, they wouldn’t have their home. Period. Your SIL has a very entitled attitude imo to think that a $50K loan isn’t enough of a gift. I’m glad your nephew and his wife were appreciative, and good on you for helping out family like that,” noted thisoneiscozy. 

“Hell no, you’re NTA! I bet if you ask your nephew, he’d take a $50,000 loan over a toaster any day. Even setting aside the money he’ll be able save thanks to your loan, it’s providing something more valuable than just about anything at this stage in his life – peace of mind, along with years of comfort and great memories that he’d otherwise be spending working his tuckus off. If anyone’s being a miser, it’s your SIL. She should be embarrassed,” said AhabMustDie. 

Lead image: Pixabay

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Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.