Woman Asks If She’s Wrong To Stop Giving Money To Her Dead Husband’s “Affair Child”

Sometimes a person’s secret other life can come out in surprising ways. Take this story from Reddit’s AITA forum, where a widow is wondering just how long she has to support her dead husband’s love child. The OP found out her husband had been having an affair when he died, and that the mistress was pregnant.

For 18 years, according to an agreement between the mistress and the OP, the OP has been putting money in a trust for that child’s future college tuition. Now that the child is 18, it’s time to make a clean break. But she’s facing some criticism from her family. 

“I (52f) am in an unusual situation and need an outside perspective but want to maintain my anonymity. 18 years ago it was revealed, at my husband’s funeral, he had a pregnant mistress (40f). Obviously I didn’t just take the woman’s word for it and stated that she wouldn’t get a cent until there was a DNA test. When it was proven true I was devastated but agreed to set up a trust for the child for college and agreed to let them live in one of my rental properties in a good area rent-free until her child was 18. She had to pay for utilities,” the OP says. 

“She agreed and I made it clear that I wasn’t going to do anything else for her or the child. I also made it clear that I wouldn’t take on the responsibility of fostering a relationship between our children and that it would be my husband’s side of the family’s job.” 

Twelve years later, the mistress’ child got sick and needed medical treatment. She didn’t have the money and reached out to the OP for some help. The OP told her that the original agreement was to borrow money from relatives and that the answer from her was no.

The mistress accused her of being a “monster,” but the OP reminded her she had already provided enough financial assistance, and that she could use some of the money from the college trust for the medical bills. 

“She agreed and her child pulled through. Now that the child is 18 and intending to go to college in the Fall of 2021 the mistress reached out to me about the trust and was upset when she found out that the amount was much less than what was originally agreed upon. I reminded her it was less because some of the money was used for the medical bills and that I never said I would put the money back in.”

“I also informed her that I was going to start charging her rent the following year and she would need to pay or move out. I didn’t care that she was upset because I was always straight forward about the situation but now my MIL and SIL are starting to say that it’s unfair to the child. I don’t see it that way because the mistress had at least 6 more years to figure something out.” 

Is the OP being too harsh here? Or has she already gone out of her way to help? 

“Blows my mind how much family members love to say it’s unfair when they’re not willing to lift a finger to help. Every time anyone mentions it to you from now on – ‘you’re more related to her than I am. You pay.’ Literally just repeat yourself. Expected to pay for the mistress’s kid’s college…unbelievable,” said neverseektotell.