Imagine finding out your husband is cheating on you…while you are pregnant and about to give birth…and he and the woman he is having an affair with just had a child who is intensive care. Oh! And the woman has also just been arrested, so now he wants YOU to take care of everybody. Call Whole Man Disposal Services quickly, right?
On Reddit, a woman says she’s in exactly this situation—and she’s anxious that if she divorces her husband and turns away his child, she will be seen as a monster.
The OP says that she and her husband have been married for seven years, “happily, I thought.” They have two girls, ages five and four, and one boy, age two. She is also pregnant with her fourth child who is due any day. She says she lost her job in March because of the pandemic but has been really happy staying at home and being a full-time mom.
“About two days ago I received a bombshell…my husband had an affair. It broke me to the core. He is the love of my life,” the OP writes. “Then he hit me with the second part of the news they had a baby about a month ago he’s about two months early and in intensive care and his mother is an addict and was arrested and they want custody to go to my husband.”
“He told me I let myself go all these months and that it was a moment of weakness. He’s telling me that we could still be a happy family and that his baby needs a father. AITA for not wanting any of this? His side of the family is calling me a monster for turning away a child in need. I feel like I’m living a nightmare.”
He sounds lovely. Let’s see what advice Redditors have for the OP.
“Either seek marriage counseling or file for divorce. Your husband doesn’t get to use his love child to guilt you into accepting his philandering,” said beepboop-robotnoise.
“It’s a huge red flag that he is essentially blaming her for ‘letting herself go.’ Um, she’s pregnant and if this baby is a couple months early he knocked up the side piece just 2 months in to his wife’s pregnancy. I have an ex husband who always blamed me for his cheating. It took me 13 years and a whole lot of strength to leave that abusive relationship. That poor baby is also a victim in his mess but that doesn’t mean you have to accept taking responsibility for said child. Just please don’t let your children grow up treating their half sibling like crap because of their father’s bad behaviour. Another question to ask yourself, OP, if she hadn’t been arrested and custody pushed on him by the state, would you have ever known or would he have kept a secret second life,” observed camping_gem_miner.
“He didn’t have a ‘moment’ of weakness. He’s just weak. He had an affair, and then waited for months for the arrival of the baby. And never said a word to his wife. You’ll never be able to believe a single word he says, ever. If you stay with him, you’re giving yourself (and your kids) a life sentence of living with someone you’ll never trust. But you need to focus on yourself and your baby now. You don’t have to allow him in the delivery room if it’s stressful for you,” advised AQualityKoalaTeacher.
“This is a horrible thing to happen, but I’m not sure how you can avoid accepting the kid while staying married to your husband. Are you suggesting that your husband put the baby up for adoption? Because, he’s at least going to be legally responsible for the baby and he’s morally responsible as well. There doesn’t seem to be a universe where your husband stays your husband and the baby isn’t a big part of your life one way or another. It’s horrible, but this is what your husband has done. Does your husband’s family live nearby? Could they help take care of the baby while you figure out what you want to do? It sounds like you need time and quiet to decide what you want to do. I’m so sorry you’re facing this. BTW, the fact that your husband is asking you to take care of a newborn baby born of his affair while you’re pregnant and tried to blame you for the affair makes him sound less like someone worthy of being ‘the love of your life’ and more like a ‘selfish jerk,'” said Moggetti.
“You need to have some really difficult conversations with him. Get couples counseling. Don’t let him guilt you into staying just bc he is supporting everyone right now. That is temporary, you can find another job. Ask yourself hard questions; if you stay, will you treat this child differently because of the circumstances of her/his birth? Do you want to be involved in the giant mess and legal cost when mom inevitably comes to get custody of her child? Can you forgive him and move on? Do you believe he is sorry and is capable of meaningful change, or is he going to continue his cheating? Take care of yourself and your kids. Do what is best for them. He made his mistakes and he has to accept the consequences. Absolutely do not let him blame you for ‘letting yourself go’ – you are pregnant!! That’s a superficial excuse and it isn’t good enough,” explained RedQueen91.
What would you advise the OP to do?
More husbands behaving badly:
- Woman Discovers Ex-Husband Was Cheating On Her—By Reading His New Wedding Announcement In The NYT
- Husband Tells Wife She Doesn’t Do Anything Except “Sleep, Eat And Get Fat” So She Gets A Job To Teach Him A Lesson
- Husband Asks If Its Wrong To Tell Pregnant Wife His Mom “Had No Problems” Delivering 10-Pound Babies
- Mom Of Three Goes Off On Husband For Spending The $15K “Mommy Makeover Package” Fund They Saved