Financial arguments can put a strain on a marriage. Between budgeting for meals, medical care, rent or mortgage, necessities, and fun things like trips, there can be a lot to disagree about. But what if the money in savings that was supposed to be spent on a tummy tuck disappears under suspicious circumstances?
One mother of three found herself asking for a divorce after discovering her husband took 15k out of money intended for plastic surgery. His reason? To buy a computer. Reddit was not having it.
“My husband (37) and I (35) have been together for just over 11 years. We have 3 beautiful children. Before we were engaged we talked about having babies. I said I always wanted to be a mom BUT I will be getting the ‘mommy makeover package’ after I’m done. This is a tummy tuck and possible breast lift. I was very clear that I would want us to start saving as soon as I was pregnant with the first baby,” the OP writes.
“First pregnancy hits, and it hits hard, and true to our promise, we start saving. After my first child was born we found out my abdominal muscles had separated and needed to be repaired surgically. This is essential a tummy tuck. Since giving birth to my first I have experienced horrible back pain and back spasms due to the separation, but we wait and had 2 more babies.”
The OP explains how that now her youngest is almost one, she brought the surgery up to her husband. He asked her if she was sure she wanted to surgery, which she is. She explained that her pain is getting unbearable and that she looks pregnant all the time and hates it.
“Well he tells me I’m being very vain and that he doesn’t think I should have it, he completely ignored the pain part. I start to get confused and ask to see the account where it’s being saved (to clarify, we are both on this account but it was never linked to my online banking. I saw the balance last month at 15k). He became silent and left the house. I was very very confused so I called up the bank. They told me the account had under 1k left.”
The OP burst into tears and asked her husband where the money went. He said he was under a lot of stress with the kids (the OP emphasizes she is a SAHM and does all the things) and he wanted to treat himself. So he bought a computer. I’m guessing he brought some other stuff, too.
“I told him not to come home and he hasn’t yet. The thing is, he is an excellent daddy and husband and this is very out of the blue. It has made me so upset that I texted him I wanted a divorce since I seem to not matter. He texted me back saying no divorce, but it was his money anyway. This has damaged us to a level I never thought we could get to,” the OP says.
“My MIL called me and told me to kick him out but my own family (especially mother) is saying she’s very disappointed in me and thinks I am vain and shallow. I just want to look normal and play with my babies with no pain.”
What should this poor mom do?
“He doesn’t get to decide ‘no divorce.’ If one spouse wants a divorce, there will be a divorce. It’s easier if both spouses agree, but no one can be forced to stay married. It wasn’t ‘his’ money. You’re married. It’s ‘both of your’ money, both legally and morally. You need to scrutinize his spending over the last month. Get the bank statements. Look at the credit card bills. A top of the line, bleeding edge gaming PC might run you $3,000 – $4,000, and that’s an exorbitant amount to spend on a PC. There is absolutely no chance that he spent $14,000 on “a computer for his office.” None. Zero. You need to find out what the hell he did with that money. Gambling? Strip clubs? Bad investments? Something extremely shady is going on here, and you need to get to the bottom of it,” advised MultiFazed.
“Girl. He didn’t hide that new computer from you and nor is one 14k. Gambling or drugs. Also, you don’t need to be told OK to divorce,” said EnigmaGirl1919.
“Others have given you really good advice about securing documents and checking statements, but do you have his Social Security number or your country’s equivalent? I suggest checking his credit history to see if there are any unpleasant surprises that may explain why he felt entitled to take the money that the two of you have been saving for so many years. I am sorry that this is happened to you. Try to get some rest, both for yourself and your children,” suggested activelurker777.
“Plastic surgery is in such a stigmatized field, regardless if someone wanted to get surgery based on functionality or cosmestic reasons, it’s their choice to make. Incredibly selfish and immature of him to take the money out to prevent you from doing something you wanted for years and reserved money for that purpose. Also, there’s no way he spent over $14k solely on a computer. That definitely needs to be looked into,” said ketchupdropper.
The OP updated her post, saying that her husband sent her the following text message:
“I am so sorry honey. I lost my mind for no reason at all. When I married you I said in sickness and in health and I broke that promise. The money is sitting in my account still and i will move it back tomorrow morning as soon as i can. We talked about the recovery time for surgey and the time I needed to take off to watch the kids and run the house. It has made me panic a great deal so I moved it thinking you wouldn’t mind me spending it and we just save up again. I did it out of panic and frustrations and did not expect you to find out so soon. I planned on returning it and telling you what I did and why. I understand if you want a divorce and to leave me behind. I am staying with Nathaniel tonight sweetheart. Rest and I will fix it all tomorrow i promise you. You will have the surgery you wanted. I am a selfish stupid man and I hope you can forgive me.”
“For the first time in my relationship with this man, I don’t believe a fking word he wrote.”
What do you think she should do?
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