Patricia Grisafi
When you get engaged, it’s a good idea to meet your partner’s extended family if you haven’t already. After all, they will likely be involved in some part of your life.
Unfortunately, sometimes they aren’t what you think of as an ideal family.
One Redditor who recently got engaged to her partner is having difficulty dealing with his niece — who is strangely possessive of him.
When the niece asked to try on the engagement ring and the OP refused, it ignited conflict in the family. Is there something strange happening with the niece or is the OP being overly sensitive?
OP begins:
“I, f36 recently got engaged to my fiancé, m34. He’s in the military and has an extended family. He’s close to his sister and 21 year old niece (his bil is deceased). When I met his niece, she seemed sweet but kept making passive aggressive comments about me. like how I look older than my fiancé, how we’re incompatible just due to our star signs or whatever. And when we announced my engagement she told my fiancé he is moving too fast (we been dating for almost 3 yrs, LDR)”
u/JoriJon65756
“Yesterday I visited my future in-laws and his sister and niece were there. His niece saw my ring and commented on it saying, ‘I bet this is the fanciest one you’ve ever got! Just like my uncle!’ I felt offended and thought that was rude but I ignored her because of how MIL was looking at me. But she (his niece) asked if she could try the ring on, I was taken aback I said no, she asked again but I still said no. Next thing I knew she got up from her seat and stood in front of me extending her arm expecting me to take the ring off and give it to her.”
u/JoriJon65756
“I was like WTF? I said ‘please go back to your seat, I already said no.’ SIL said it was fine but I said I just didn’t feel comfortable. SIL then looked at me quizzically and was like ‘are you serious?? that’s his niece, just let her try it on!’ I said I’m sorry but no. Niece threw a fit and went upstairs, her mom said I had no reason to act like this and said she didn’t get what my problem is. I took my purse about to leave after she kept berating me for not letting her daughter try the ring. MIL asked me to stay but I insisted on leaving. SIL tried calling me and because I needed time to answer she sent a text saying my behavior was alarming and that she will bring this incident up to her brother when he gets back because she sensed that I’m trying to drive a wedge between her daughter and my fiancé for whatever reason. We haven’t talked after that and I really don’t know what to think of this, I don’t know if I acted poorly but I’ll leave this to you maybe I’m missing something.”
u/JoriJon65756
The OP added some information for clarification:
“My fiancé has 2 sisters and he’s close to this particular sister and her daughter. Her daughter hangs out alot with him and sometimes refers to him as ‘Kev.’ I found that a bit weird but since he’s the youngest uncle (he has 2 older brothers too) then I thought no problem. She follows all his SM accounts and even knows some of his friends, also she drives his car whenever he visits and uses his workout equipment as well. I talked to him about some boundaries but his sister gave me no chance and accused me of putting space between the family and him so I kept my mouth shut.”
u/JoriJon65756
Is there something weird going on here? What do Redditors think?
“Nta. Niece is acting like she’s in love with your husband wtf. She’s jealous of his attention towards you. I’d stay away from her and her mom for awhile”
“I was feeling like a gross AH for having those thoughts cause it may not be the case but it sounds like a guy’s gal friend that has a secret crush and passive-aggressively takes it out on the girlfriend/fiance. Either way the attempts at boundary stomping, entitlement, and tantrum throwing is just gross. Not letting her try on an engagement ring means OP is intent on destroying her fiance’s relationship with his niece? They’re both ridiculous”
“You’re NTA but this is the family dynamic you’re going to be marrying into, and I’d pay very close attention to how this is handled in the immediate, because you’re going to be fighting this fight for a long time if your fiancé doesn’t take care of it,” advised hitch_please.
“NTA niece is WEIRDLY possessive of your fiancé, and his family indulges her. Love the part where his sister is going to go tattle to him that you didn’t let her do whatever she wanted. If you’re confident in your fiancé’s relationship with you, you can just brush off these harpies. She ‘sensed that I’m trying to drive a wedge between her daughter and my fiancé for whatever reason.’ Well, yeah, he’s going to MARRY you, and whatever father-figure relationship they have is fine, whatever else going on in her head is NOT FINE and needs to stop,” said Sea-Mud5386.
“NTA- sounds like your fiancé has taken over the father role for his niece and both his sister and niece have very blurred boundaries and a lot of jealousy when it comes to him. This is something you need to have a long talk to your fiancé about as problems will arise in the future when they to test / try to prove that they are still priority. I wish you the very best,” explained Moon-lit-rain.
NTA. But this is a major moment in your relationship, doubly so due to you having been in a LDR:
however your fiancé behaves when told the story is a very strong indicator of what the rest of your interactions with your in-laws will be like and how he’ll mediate
NTA. A grown woman insulted you, then asked to borrow an expensive and/or sentimental item. I’m curious to hear how your fiance handled the resulting hissy fit…
Basically, no one thinks she’s TA, and that seems about right. I know I hate it when people ask to try on my glasses, and I’m not even emotionally attached to them (also they cost $100 vs. $1k+)
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