It’s common knowledge that you don’t want to show up the bride and groom at their wedding, but what if you did so by accident? That’s the question one Redditor is asking after upsetting her ex-husband by showing up to the wedding visibly pregnant with her new fiancé, who happens to be an influential person in their town. Just her presence caused the attention to shift from the couple getting married. Should she have warned her ex about her pregnancy and engagement before showing up at the wedding? Or is that none of his business?
“I (28F) am currently 6 months pregnant and am engaged to a wonderful man. Due to the craziness, only a limited people know about our news because we aren’t the ‘announcing’ type. Also, it was a quick engagement because of the pregnancy (but we love each other) and we didn’t want to showcase all that,” the OP writes.
“I also have a 11 year old with my ex who I was married to for 9 years, but he ended up cheating on me with ‘Anna,’ his friend/coworker. He had his wedding with Anna this weekend. I was invited because of a complicated custody arrangement that I don’t want to get into and because his mom wanted the mother of her grandchild at the wedding too since I’m technically still family proxy my son.”
The OP says that no one from her ex’s side of the family knows that she is pregnant. She says her ex knows she is dating someone because she was allowed a plus one for the wedding. The OP didn’t really want to go, but she did for the sake of her son.
“We all showed up and naturally, people gravitated toward my fiancé, asking him what he was doing here and then learning about the pregnancy and engagement. They were fascinated. It was all quite annoying and I played the pregnant lady card quite a few times so I could get some peace at an event that I didn’t even want to be at. They got married and it was over. We went home, no fuss.”
The next day, the OP says that her ex called her and started ranting about how she ruined the wedding. She apologized and agreed that her presence with her fiancé probably did distract from the wedding, but she doesn’t know what she could have done. According to most Redditors, she didn’t really do anything wrong.
“Did you shout ‘I’m pregnant’ from a megaphone? Did he tell you to not bring your fiancé? Did you call the people around you? No, no and no? Then NTA,” said Oersted95.
“I you did not purposely try to upstage them (if you were honest in what you wrote). I’m guessing your ex and his new wife allowed you to attend the wedding because they wanted to rub their happiness in your face, but the tables turned when you showed up with an even better guy and a bun in the oven. Your ex was just upset he lost…and since he was the one who cheated, I’d say he got his come-uppence,” said mrsbuttermango.
“He most likely wanted you to be the miserable ex at his wedding to his new wife and you didn’t play the part because you’re not. You did an amazing job of being their for your son so he could see his dad get married, you didn’t fight that and you did great. Also record what negative things your ex try’s to say to your kid for legal reasons in case you ever need it, stay safe,” advised PogTheDruid.
“Your ex sounds insecure about your new man, and this is a he problem, not a you problem. Your new happiness doesn’t involve him, and it’s making him insecure. You didn’t do anything wrong in my opinion. You told him about +1, no reason why you’d have to tell him who that is. There’s really no reason for you to update your ex about your pregnancy either. NTA. I think it’s disgusting that he’s using your son as a pawn to get back at you. This is bringing me to question why he even invited you there. I’m suspecting he secretly wanted to show off to you he’s moved on, and it backfired since you had moved on too,” explained QuornNugget.
“ESH. I get it. People getting all up in your business is incredibly annoying, but it is going to happen. Pregnancies and engagements have that effect. It is common courtesy to take steps to avoid taking attention away from the bride and groom at a wedding. It would have been even more noticeable if the wedding was smaller. Also, I’m not a fan of your ex-MIL insisting on you being there. I think I would have felt exactly the same as you about going and having people being nosy. But, given the reality of the situation, it would have been nice if you had given your ex a heads-up about the situation so he could have been prepared instead of blindsided at his wedding,” noted bluebell435.
What do you think the OP should have done?
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