AITA

Woman Said She Dissociated After Her Sorority Sisters Pranked Her With A “Kidnapping”

Even though things are improving, there is still a lot of stigma regarding mental health issues. Some people are very open about their struggles, but others might prefer to only share with a trusted few. Everyone should be comfortable about disclosing their mental health, and no one should be forced. But what happens when a situation causes you to have a reaction that reveals your trauma history?

That’s what happened to a Redditor with a trauma history who is also in a sorority—and she’s thinking about leaving Greek life because of an incident in which she had a dissociative episode. 

“I have a history of trauma from childhood, and from a young age this thing would happen to me where under stress, I’d feel very disconnected from my surroundings. I would feel like my body and my mind were very far apart, and that anything happening to my body was not happening to me. It was happening to ‘her’ while ‘I’ was somewhere far away. I was not as connected to my senses; while I had some awareness of what was said or what was happening around me, it felt murky and distant. I also have a higher risk or pain tolerance when I’m in that mental place, I won’t flinch at pain or even be totally aware of it,” the OP writes. 

“I was in a sorority this year and there was some party I couldn’t make it to. It kinda pissed my friends off because we were having a ‘date’ party with a frat and me missing it was going to mess up the numbers. My friends decided to ‘prank’ me by getting some of the boys from the frat to keep me from leaving the hall before the party, and carrying me back to the common room to get ready.”

I mean, even without a history of trauma, who wants to be trapped by a bunch of frat boys and then hauled off like a bag of sugar and forced to attend a party? 

The OP writes that her brain “immediately went to that place” as soon as she was lifted up, which is very understandable. She explains that everyone was “treating it as a joke”—but that she just needed to get out of that situation. So she tried to go for the door, but the girls held it shut. Then, she went to the emergency exit door “kinda on autopilot.” Then, she wandered the woods aimlessly and eventually sat for a creek for several hours, unaware of how much time had passed. 

Back on campus, the cops accused her of setting off the fire alarm for no reason and then disappearing. The OP didn’t even remember setting off the alarm. 

“My sorority sisters were also wanting explanations, mad I’d ruined the night. Everyone was so worried about me vanishing for hours that they didn’t have the party. I told them everything, and I wasn’t in trouble for the alarm, but a lot of the girls ended up upset with me for not having told them I was liable to just go ‘crazy’ and pull fire alarms and wander barefoot through the woods.” 

“I was mad they put it like that, and thought it was their fault for setting up a prank that starts with practically kid napping someone unaware. It remained an issue until covid hit honestly, and it’s making me wonder if I should quit greek life this fall.” 

As someone who purposely chose a college without a sorority or fraternity system, I always want to tell people to quit Greek life. It’s a cult, hazing is dangerous, it provides a false sense of friendship and belonging, etc. However, some people find the support system to be important for them.

What do Redditors think? Should the OP, who does not ever deserve to be called “crazy” for having a trauma history, stay in her sorority? 

“Sororities aren’t really the best environment for people with severe mental health problems. It’s hard to feel comfortable with your dozens of sisters in order to share information about your mental health especially because mental health issues are still so severely stigmatized. There was a girl in my sorority who, the year before I joined, had gone off her meds and had a suicidal episode. None of the other girls knew how to react or help her and instead ostracized her. By the time I joined she had been banned from living in the house and most people didn’t talk to her on the rare occasions she came to the house. I would talk to your sorority’s advisor and/or your school’s dean of Greek life because the situation your sisters put you in sounds a lot like hazing,” said nyxie007.

 “Having spent 1.5 years in a sorority, I can tell you quitting was the best decision. Your alleged ‘sisters’ were more mad about the party being ruined than your well-being…they are mad that you may go ‘crazy’ in the future and that’s just horrendous,” firenoodles said. 

“They got mad at you because you ‘ruined’ their stupid party meanwhile they caused you so much stress that it kicked in your fight-or-flight mode which caused you to dissociate. What about YOUR feelings? I also have a history of child trauma so I know what this is like. I would seriously leave Greek life because it’s clearly a very toxic environment. Those girls aren’t your friends if they’re calling you ‘crazy.’ A real friend has empathy and your best interests in mind, not their own,” said leafmeb.

And some rightly said that being grabbed by a group of men might upset even someone without a history of trauma: 

“Even without mental health issues, a group of men (especially from a fraternity) refusing to let a woman leave, picking her up, and carrying her someplace else is going to make most women think they’re about to get sexually assaulted by those men. OP disassociated, most women would be screaming in terror and begging for help. This was an incredibly stupid and ill thought out ‘prank,'” explained NerdyKris.

“Nobody should have to ‘warn’ their friends that they don’t like being trapped in a room against their will and manhandled by a bunch of frat boys without consent,” said WebbieVanderquack.

“They didn’t practically kidnap you. They LITERALLY kidnapped you and then blocked your escape trying to hold you hostage. You took the emergency exit because you were in an emergency. These people have no respect for your autonomy,” agreed katdance8663.

I think it’s clear that the OP should leave the sorority and find a supportive group of friends who don’t stigmatize against mental health issues (and also don’t think kidnapping pranks are funny), but what do you think?

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Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.