In the year 2020, men and women should be able to have platonic relationships with people of the opposite sex, even when they’re in romantic relationships. It’s normal and healthy to have friendships when you’re dating someone and if the person you’re dating trusts you, it’s not a problem.
That is not the case in the marriage of Reddit user u/NotThatFamousGirl.
She posted on r/AmItheA–hole after getting into a fight with her husband over his plans to hang out with another woman, without her. She says they’ve been married for almost ten years and have three kids.
“In those 10 years he has done shady crap like talking to other girls in inappropriate ways,” she writes. She says that twice she has caught him “texting inappropriate things with another girl,” the last time was as recently as a few months ago. She claims that he has a lot of female friends and she has plenty of male friends and doesn’t see herself as the jealous type. But the texting has been a hump in their relationship and she feels he should be building up trust in their marriage again. Then this happened:
Well last week he tells me out of the blue a female friend of his wants to meet at a farm 2 hours away from us. Just him and the kids and her and her kids. Of course alarm bells went off. He then tells me he has known this girl since he was a teenager. (I found out that is true. She is a long time family friend).
But what he doesnt seem to get about why I am not okay with it is because in the 10 years we have been together, i never once heard her name! He never talked about her. Ever. So why now? He keeps saying its “no big deal” and shes “just a friend.” He then tells the girl he cant make it because of no gas instead of telling her its inappropriate and his wife is uncomfortable.
Her husband is now pissed at her for ending his playdate plans, saying she’s wrong to feel like his plans with this woman were inappropriate.
“I’m at the point where I am so sick of this constant worry,” she says. “He drove me to be an insecure jealous person I never was. I want to leave but at the same time I don’t.”
She then asked for judgment on whether or not she’s the a–hole in this situation. A few people wondered why she has been with this man for so long and had kids with him if he is so shady and untrustworthy, but it’s a little late to do anything about that. Most, however, think he is definitely the problem here:
I hope this woman escapes her awful husband and then he can go on as many “friend dates” on the farm as he wants.
More AITA relationships:
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