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Couples Therapists Are Sharing Relationship Red Flags And Giving Advice (15 Posts)

11. 

“What-aboutism. Instead of taking ownership and responsibility for their contribution to the degradation of the relationship one or both parties simply point out an example of the other exhibiting a similar behavior. It’s a red flag because it illustrates their lack of self awareness and poor communication skills. Communication is key when trying to mend a tattered relationship because without respectful communication the conflict-recovery process can never begin. In the conflict-recovery model both parties agree to the terms under which they will communicate (no yelling, no interrupting, no I told you so’s… Etc). Each party gets a chance to share how the others actions make them feel. Then they each propose their solutions and identify where they made assumptions or where they got triggered and why. Then they identify where they’re willing to compromise. Next we create an actionable plan with deadlines and we monitor the progress to see if the proposed solutions were effective. IMO everything can go to shit, but once communication stagnates you’re in real trouble. So even if you’re arguing you’re still doing ok, you just need to work on how you’re communicating.” — BeDazzledBootyHolez

12. 

“Refusal or inability to compromise is a ginormous red flag, one that, I believe, is empirically validated. Compromise is a significant predictor of satisfaction in relationships, and it plays an important role in the long-term success of marriages and relationships in general.” — captain_ohagen

13. 

“Respecting space, boundaries, feelings, interests, relationships are all so important and lack of respect by either person for the other is going to mean big problems. I would definitely try to help them work through it but it’s hard to point out to someone that something they are doing is hurting the other.” — RLampkin318

14. 

“Am a therapist, newer to couples counseling, but one of the flags I’ve seen is one person digging their heels in and not accepting any feedback or suggestions, then that person tells me and partner that they are ‘trying.’ I called him out on it, said that he needed to evaluate what he’s willing to do and NOT do. Needless to say didn’t hear back from them.” — tiawyn

15. 

“As long as there is no abuse, and all parties still have feelings of love or regard for the other, just about any relationship can be salvageable with a re-establishing (or in some cases, establishing for the first time) healthy communication patterns. Of course, all parties have to want to put in the work as well.” — Will_TheMagicForest

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Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.