Hannah Riley
Look, there’s a lot of things someone might buy if they woke up tomorrow as a billionaire. A house. A boat. A moat around your house to drive your boat in. A politician. The opportunities are literally endless. But what if you could only buy something pointless?
People on Reddit are answering that exact question: “If you woke up a billionaire tomorrow, what’s the most pointless thing you’d buy?” Some of the answers were a little too serious (buying a planet isn’t pointless!). People really showed their true Richie Rich colors with their funny answers.
1.
“A 1950s style movie theater with balconies and ushers in pillbox hats and shiny brass buttons. It’d be enormous, to fit as many as possible in comfort, with a massive screen and top-of-the-line modern sound system. Tickets at the box office only, cheap prices for all but luxury balconies. High-paid staff. Classic concessions, at low prices.
Movies shown would be chosen by me, daily. All my favorites. I’d record an introduction for each movie like Walt Disney, while sitting in a leather back chair in front of a fireplace, wearing a velvet smoking jacket and reading a book. With a corny “Oh, hello there. I didn’t hear you come in. Tonight’s picture is special to me because,” etc.
We’d do theme days. Like Star Wars, in order of episode, on May 4th every year. Or Friday the 13th marathons on Friday the 13th.
Movie genres would be a big range (PG13 and R after 8), but as they would be my picks, there wouldn’t be much drama, romance, or Oscar bait. Horror, sci-fi, action, adventure, and comedy though? Oh yeah.
It would operate at a perpetual loss, but I’m a f*ckin billionaire, what do I care?”
– Talmonis
2.
I’d commission someone to build me a superhero outfit just so that when I have kids and a family, I can have them ‘stumble’ onto it and pretend that I was a vigilante in my early years.
3.
A second Gameboy advance so I could trade pokemon with myself.
4.
One of those Roomba lawnmowers. If it’s anything like the vacuum then I’m still putting in time watching it making sure it doesn’t get stuck somewhere or need cleaning.
5.
A giant boulder.
Hear me out. Ever hear of Levitated Mass in Los Angeles? They brought in a 340-ton boulder as a permanent public art installation at LACMA. The project was estimated at $10 million. I’d like a similar boulder, brought in from a similar distance for my backyard.
I want people to wonder, “Why?” And “How?” Whenever they visit my home and see a large boulder sitting in my yard, serving no purpose but to make people wonder.
They’d have to dismantle pieces of my home or demolish my neighbor’s home to get such a boulder into my backyard.
Perhaps I’d use it as a cornerstone of my house, which would otherwise be made of modern materials, visible from the inside as well as out.
It’s the most baller thing I could possibly do.
– Cho_Zen
6.
New pair of socks every day. One of the best feelings in the world.
7.
A sack of hammers.
Then when anyone says something that pisses me off, I’ll point at it and say “you’re not dumber than that are you?!”
8.
An island and turn it into a republic.
9.
I would buy all tickets to a “insert popular music artist” concert. On the day of the concert, I would appear too late to the concert and leave the place after 5 minutes. When the artist stops playing after seeing me leaving, I would heavily complain.
That’s it.
10.
I’d pay someone to be my hype man. No matter where I went, there’d be someone hyping me and keeping the mood right.
Like, I’m buying groceries and my hype guy is there going “Yooo getcha sad asses out my man’s way! We got parties to get to and fine women to kiss!”
– Delica
11.
I’d buy a snake. Habitat and everything. And not a cheap one either, an expensive ass snake. Like a 2,000 dollar snake. Then I’d pay someone to take care of it, but the point is I bought a snake.
12.
I buy a hazmat suit and bribe a buddy to run into Walmart naked, dripping pink jello, as I chase him in the suit.
13.
A billboard advertising nothing.
“Headaches? Trouble sleeping? That’s rough, buddy”.
14.
My friend has a super old, super beat-up BMW, pretty stock. He likes the classic look.
I’d take all my friends on vacation, and while we were all partying in Goa or some shit I’d have his car stolen and restored, but in a way that he’d hate. Fix all the rust, but make it like candy flake paint, airbags, stupid wheels.
Like, spend several weeks and hundreds of thousands of dollars on a dumb prank that ends with someone else having a car they don’t especially like.
15.
The shop I used to work at.
I would do that, too. I would buy the shop that I used to work at and I would bulldoze it down and build a hot dog stand there.
16.
I would buy a house outfitted with numerous comic book-style secret doors.
17.
A church organ. can I play a church organ? Absolutely not but they’re cool okay.
18.
“Giant. Fucking. Ball pit.”
