Men learn how to treat the women they’re in relationships with from other men. One would hope a compassionate person would recognize when they’re being taught something horrendous, but this story on r/relationships from u/ThrowRA-doistink made me wonder if the entire institution of heterosexual relationships needs to go. The story was posted under the title, “Boyfriend won’t stop telling me I have B.O.”
The story basically has two parts. The first part is the OP explaining that she and her boyfriend have been together for over a year and it’s great in every way except one.
“Every single day, at least once, he will tell me that I stink and smell of b.o.,” she writes.
She says that the comments got to her quickly. Before long, she was so paranoid she was showering twice a day, brushing her teeth anytime she consumed something that wasn’t water, put on deodorant every few hours after setting a timer and wearing perfume:
I feel like I’m going crazy. I didn’t think I smelled bad in the beginning and I don’t think I smell bad now but I obviously smell bad to him right? Im that weirdo that keeps “sneakily” smelling their own armpits. I have been to the doctor and he has said there is nothing medically wrong. It has honestly gotten to the point where I literally shove my arm pit in friends and families faces asking if I smell bad, they all say I don’t smell like b.o. at all, one friend even said I smelled too clean like a lush store.
I am getting so paranoid. He won’t cuddle or anything when he says I smell. I really don’t know what more I can do?
Then there’s the second part. Prepare yourself to feel rage:
Update – so unexpected edit. I waited for him to make a comment this morning so I could talk to him. It was less than an hour after waking up that he said “god you stink” I had already showered and put on deodorant. I snapped and asked what exactly was he smelling because, at this point I’m one of the cleanest people on the planet and if I still smell bad to him then we should just break up.
He got all panicked and upset, I eventually got out of him that this is what he father always said to his mother. Apparently his father told him that is was a sure fire technique to have a woman never leave you because “she will feel too low to cheat, will love only you, and will always be clean”.
Needless to say, his father is wrong. He’s packing his things and moving out of my house today.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? You’ve been purposefully making your girlfriend go crazy to make her feel “too low to cheat?”
There is so much about this mentality that is sick and wrong, and it’s basically the definition of gaslighting as Twitter user @potetnese pointed out:
if you are unsure about what gaslighting is, and what the purpose of it is, have a read https://t.co/fzmmyNVFtQ
— 🏳️🌈✨Tilster✨🏳️🌈 (@potetnese) June 8, 2020
Everyone was pretty enraged on the OP’s behalf:
Same. I’m very sensitive to a partner’s natural scent. If it’s a good match, it drives me crazy in the good way. Bad match, I can’t stand to be around.
2nd panel had me go from sympathy to “toss his out and salt the earth where he stood”
— Maddie (@neuroticalme) June 7, 2020
same, only I hope she also murders him
— 🏳️🌈✨Tilster✨🏳️🌈 (@potetnese) June 8, 2020
i haven’t seen either family member in years & i don’t plan on it ever again!! but – glad there are stories exactly like mine to remind me no, i’m really NOT crazy, and no, i don’t smell like peas & yes everyone, there REALLY are cruel people out there who will do this to others.
— melanie (@coffiiey) June 9, 2020
“Packing his bags” was definitely the happy moment in all this.
— Naomi Parkhurst (@naogannet) June 8, 2020
This is so important. Remember: When you feel worthless, it is more likely the situation/relationship you’re in than you yourself. Be careful out there and keep your friends close. Many abusive partners will try to get you to get rid of your friends as they may call this out.
— Sylvia van Os (@SylvieLorxu) June 9, 2020
holy shit the same thing happened to me it all makes sense now… it’s true man we take forever to realize what the hell its been almost a year
— Meraxes (@MeraxesReborn) June 9, 2020
I remember being a kid and knowing when stuff didn’t add up. It shows what his character was and still is.
— Kimwah (@madqueenkim) June 9, 2020
same. now it feels like men are an organized entity whose purpose is to abuse women
— Nat le Nat (@nananat666) June 7, 2020
“Why does every woman I date eventually hate me? It can’t be that my dad’s advice sucked. My dad is perfect and never wrong. This is obviously feminism’s fault!”
— golvio (@golvio) June 7, 2020
For a second I got really worried that she was about to say she wants to help him change, so I’m very happy with the end result of this one
— ✨ Ulli ✨ (@ullistudy) June 7, 2020
It’s incredible that his first reaction upon hearing his father’s words was not to think of his mother and what she went through. His first reaction was: “Oh bet, Imma give it a go!”
— Liamour (@taliadeveaux) June 7, 2020
An ex told me how he got 1 night stands: give the girl a compliment, if she says thanks, ditch her. Find one who, when complimented says something like “oh my hair’s a mess” or “I look like crap tonight” then bingo, she has low self esteem & can be easily charmed into bed. Scary!
— L-Jo & Doug (@weelynthebin) June 7, 2020
That edit gave me whiplash hoo boy. Excellent decision making on OP’s end tho pic.twitter.com/wUlTGjgQEm
— Queen of Thorns ⚔️ (@_CommanderZoya) June 7, 2020
But in that update she did great. She kicked that gaslighting moron to the curb. Hope he goes crying back to papa, and starts to make amends by telling his mom what his dad has been doing.