Dan Wilbur
Conspiracy theories are a dime a dozen. That’s because they’re made up. You can do it anytime you want.
For instance, if I tell you that the reason that time is measured in 12 hours of morning and night is that Jesus had 12 apostles and the number 12 is considered holy but that’s just what the government wants you to believe because actually, it was a way to make people work longer hours in the mines.
Yadda, yadda, yadda. Jeff Bezos has a time machine. See? Easy.
One person on Reddit wanted to hear from people who actually believe something that other people might think is crazy. Many had honest answers.
Here are the conspiracy theories that people who usually don’t believe conspiracy theories:
1. They’re robbing us of paper.
“The cardboard rolls that toilet paper are on have gotten wider in diameter over the years. This is one way to make the rolls look bigger. Because you know 6 mega rolls equals 32 normal sized rolls…” –aaronm007
2. Apple knows what it’s doing.
“Apple made the original AirPod memes and jokes to boost the sales on them after their sales sucked the first year.” –OhWaTaGooSieAm
3. Who knows what’s in there?
“Honestly, I find the idea gold isn’t at fort Knox anymore believable. In the same vein, I doubt they keep anything important at area 51 anymore. I bet they keep the sites up so we don’t look anywhere else.
Why or how? I don’t care enough to think that deep. This is just something I heard that makes sense to me.” –RedDragonfly213
4. No soup for you.
“There’s this soup place at our local mall that’s been there for three years now. I’ve never seen anyone order anything from there, and I rarely see anyone at the register. When our mall was closed due to COVID lockdown/quarantine, several locally owned stores shut down, and a few places in the food court. Last time I was there was for my birthday in August, and the soup place is still there.
My mom and I have an array of theories about what it could be, ranging from money laundering to a front for drugs, but I cannot believe that place is legitimate.” –HatCoffee
5. Actual conspiracy.
“That Dorothy Kilgallen didn’t kill herself and the government was responsible for JFK’s assassination. I don’t know why the government would do something like that, but the evidence lines up. Reporters don’t kill themselves when they’re days away from publishing something that would “Crack the JFK case wide open,”. Also witnesses saw FBI agents leaving her house with documents.
Plus the only person she handed her draft to wound up dead 2 days later. The draft, of course, went missing and the “investigation” into her death was laughable.” –1960somethingbatman
6. Checks out.
“That video game companies got a taste of the kind of money that gambling brings in and changed an entire industry to emulate the casino structure but for children.” –Prof_V
7. Catching fire.
“Bic doesn’t fill their lighters with as much fluid as they used to.” –MFNLyle
8. The President is not well.
“Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when he was still in office and his advisers told him to write a letter to the American people to be released later after it got too bad to hide. When his condition went public in 1994, they released the letter and it was almost perfect handwriting, spelling, and grammar. Six months later he couldn’t carry on a conversation. I’m convinced he didn’t progress that fast in 1994 and that the entire thing was constructed over the years to look like he was mentally competent while he was president.” –youseeit
9. Still going strong.
“Rob Dyrdek has gotta have some serious dirt on someone at MTV to have Ridiculousness on as much as possible, and constantly filming new episodes.” –nitewing1124
10. Tom Cruise is in too deep.
“Tom Cruise wants out of Scientology, but they have way too much on him and he’s in too deep. That’s why he does his own insane stunts and tries to outdo himself every MI movie; he doesn’t care if he dies, it’s his only way out.” –Sassers
11. Interesting…
“That Charles Lindbergh was responsible for his son’s death.” –OhYeahBS
12. Probably true.
“There are people out there hired by companies to make dozens of fake accounts that retweet, reblog, etc and act like real people just to advertise products.” –Snoo_97670
13. Watch out, Big Wipe.
“Baby wipe containers are purposely made so that you always pull 2-3 wipes out at a time and therefore need to buy more often. It’s definitely something I can see Big Wipe engaging in to get just a few more containers out of us each year!” –Just_For_ShiGrins
14. Smoke and mirrors at the NFL.
“‘Deflate Gate’ was a distraction from brain damage and domestic abuse scandals in the NFL. And I say this as someone who hates Tom Brady. It should have just been a small fine and forgotten quickly. But this is the type of scandal the NFL can tolerate whereas brain injuries and domestic abuse can hurt the league’s reputation. And it worked! Distraction and new cycle dominated by this for an entire off-season rather than more serious issues.” –Maerdikai
15. An inside job.
“That someone from the inside knew that the Boeing 737-max was absolutely trash and shorted the stock.” –left_over_croissant
16. Make it so no one is eligible.
“This might not be a groundbreaking hot take, but i think that applying for disability status/benefits is intentionally made to be a convoluted mess of bureaucratic jargon and endless hoops to jump through SOLELY so that disabled people don’t take advantage of them, either because they give up trying to navigate an intentionally confusing system, or because they make a mistake along the way, and the process gets fucked up. I’m really lucky I had my mom helping me with a lot of the paperwork because otherwise I would never be able to get the supports I need in post secondary. It’s like someone purposefully designed the process to be as unobtainable, messy, and overwhelmingly complex for a disabled person as they possibly could.” –satan-probably
17. Don’t get me started on the Cavs getting LeBron.
“The NBA rigged the 1985 Draft Lottery for the New York Knicks to get Patrick Ewing.” –h8er23
18. Dollar Slice Pizza Places.
“This may not make sense to people who don’t live in New York City. We have these great places that sell a plain slice of pizza (cheese only) for $1.00.
I can’t believe they make rent and payroll on volume with $1.00/slice and the going rent rates. This has to be some sort of money laundering scam, but one where no one cares because you get a slice of pizza for a dollar.
Might not be the best pizza, but damn, a dollar slice. I’ll always stop in if I’m passing one on the street. This just can’t be economically feasible and something else is going on.” –Mustard_on_tap
19. New Coke?
“New Coke was just a distraction so we didn’t notice the change to high fructose corn syrup. It was never supposed to work.” –afoodie92
20. The creepy one we’ve all noticed.
“That my phone listens to conversations. Far too many situations where I’d talk about something random and see adverts about it on FB and Instagram without me ever searching for it.” –SingaBored
21. No pockets.
“Women’s clothing doesn’t have adequate pockets because the purse and handbag industry wants to ensure women continue to buy bags to carry their things.” –jaspellior
22. There are feral humans living in state forests.
“It’s kinda like the theory about the cave systems and disappearances being linked but more general. There are still some very remote and hard to reach places like the headless valley that have harsh terrain and unreachable caves that may or may not house feral humans that decapitate people who trespass.” –AppleBug_69
23. Disney would do this!
“Disney called the movie “Frozen” in an attempt to dilute search results about Walt’s head.” –DinosaursOvrEvrythng
24. Could be.
“The secret service is also the group in charge of keeping all retired / passed government officials quiet. It’s crazy to think that all of these powerful people don’t spill their knowledge at some point before they die. Once they get a certain clearance then a detailed profile is built of who their family and friends are and somehow passed to them as a “keep your mouth shut or things will happen to these people”. Whenever a popular congressman voluntarily retires in the middle of their term I think that they keep learning shit that they wished they hadn’t and that it’s time to just get out.” –buddyboibaker
25. I want to believe.
“All countries have Ninjas. We only know about Japanese Ninjas bc they’re the worst.” –superturbochad
26. TikTok will end us all.
“China is using tiktok to develop a database to experiment and perfect deep fake technology and techniques.” –Cambro88
27. Probably.
“The VA provides substandard care to lower the life expectancy of veterans because they’re expensive to treat.” –bolivar-shagnasty
28. Our volunteer army.
“The US doesn’t provide free college because military numbers would plummet.” –timshel_life
29. Gotcha!
“That the government collaborated with tech companies to promote taking “selfies” to advance facial recognition software.” –KirbyBucketts
30. Agreed.
“The moon landing – I don’t care what anyone says, I’m pretty sure it happened.” –Raikira
h/t Reddit: r/AskReddit
