Man Asks If He’s Wrong To Tell Wife To Stop “Dressing So Frumpy” All The Time

There are some posts on r/AmItheA**hole that I sincerely wish are fake because I can’t believe the people in them have managed to cultivate a relationship, period. That’s the case with this story posted by Redditor u/Unlikely-March-3201, titled, “AITA for asking my wife not to dress so frumpy and like a mom all the time?”

Just the title is probably enough to get the moms reading to scream “YES!” but let’s check out what the OP has to say for himself. His wife gave birth in February and he complains that the way she dresses is “completely different.” He doesn’t mention what else has happened since February, like an entire pandemic that has kept most people more-or-less homebound. The way I dress is also completely different since February. Jeans? Never heard of them!

“At first I thought she was just trying to be comfortable post-birth,” he continues, “but now that almost seven months have passed it seems like this change is permanent.”

The OP insists that he still thinks his wife sexy, just not her clothing choices, which are mostly “lots of sweatshirts, sweatpants, and tent dresses.” He doesn’t like that they cover more of her “whereas in the past she loved to tease me to get a reaction.”

He adds, “The same is true for her underwear. Bras and panties that aren’t that nice compared to what she previously wore.”

The OP admits that it would be unreasonable to ask her to always dress sexy, but he’d like her to do it “at least a few times a week .” The conversation about it didn’t go well:

I brought it up to her and she got extremely offended. As much as I tried to clarify that I find her attractive but want her to dress like she used to dress, she took it as me saying I am not attracted to her anymore. She also said that how she dresses is none of my business and if I can’t be supportive not to say anything at all.

I think this type of communication is important just like I think it’s important for us to both try and dress attractively for each other. If we don’t provide feedback to each other, how will either of us know if what we are doing bothers the other? AITA?

You know, I do agree that conversations with our partners about what we need sexually, including attraction levels, are important. But they have to be handled with the utmost sensitivity. I suspect a man who seems completely unaware of the work that goes into caring for a newborn and why his wife might not be getting fancy for him is not capable of that sensitivity.