The only thing worse than catching your own partner in an affair has to be catching one of your parents cheating.
Being a child of divorce can be a lonely or traumatic experience, but threads like this help remind everyone that you’re not alone.
People who’ve had that unfortunate experience are sharing how it went down in a rather serious AskReddit thread.
1.
I’ll try to keep it short. My mother began seeing an old friend of hers, just to hang out and be friends and do friend things. But she’d go out ALL THE TIME with this guy, sometimes we wouldn’t even know where she was or when she would be back.
We, being my sister and I, both basically adults at the time also so we weren’t children by any means. Sister gets suspicious and looks through her phone and lo and behold we find sexual texts and implications of meeting for such activities and so forth. We freak out, get upset, consider telling my father, who at the time was hunting up north and wouldn’t be back for a few days.
We decide to wait and, as my sister can be pretty rash, then decide to confront our mother. Sister does most of the talking, but mother gets angry at us for going through her phone, then accuses us of trying to ruin her marriage, tells us we’re awful basically. It was pretty terrible and honestly I don’t remember most of what was said but I ended up making a speech about how its her own fault if her marriage gets ruined and she tried to say now we don’t love her and what do we want her to do?? Move out, go away?? We told her to tell father or we would.
She does and wouldn’t you know it, he tells us not to tell anyone and gets pissed that we went through her phone. They’re still together and we pretend nothing happened.
2.
Ok, I’ll try to make this quick. Also, sorry for my bad english.
I found out one day I was looking for condoms in my parents’ bedroom (I was young and couldn’t afford my own), when I found a letter my mother has written to my dad. We all lived together, but my mother has always been more comfortable adressing issues written than oral (please do not make puns of this).
I knew I should’nt read this, but something in me could’nt put this letter down. The letter basically said something along the lines of “I can’t handle anymore that you have mistresses. I tried to have my own affairs on my own but I couldn’t really enjoy it. I called “InsertRandomGuyNameHere” today to tell him we were over, and now I’d like you to do the same with the other girls. Please think of our children, we need to talk about this.” I was in shock. I put the letter back where it was and went back to my bedroom. My (now ex) gf asked me what was wrong and I told her everything I just read. We talked about it for hours. Everything suddenly made sense. My father was always out of town since I was a kid, and left my mother and I alone almost every evening. I saw him several times go on vacations with female friends for entire week-ends. Hell, even weeks sometime. Some of his female friends even had dinner at our home, with my mother, me and my brother being here. I don’t know how my mother managed to handle this for years…
After talking with my gf, I decided to never talk about this to anyone else. The day after this one, my gf and I both went to my house and found my parents on the couch talking and stopping as soon as they saw us. My father had tears in his eyes, and my mother was looking at her feet. We acted like normal and left them alone. The situation began to change a little after that. My parents looked more happy, and my father was a lot more present in our everyday life.
A few months later, my parents announced during dinner to my brother and I that they wanted to divorce. My brother (younger than me) was shocked and had several issues about this for months (cause he was just becoming an angry teenager), but I knew what was going on. And that was tearing me apart. My parents decided my brother and I would stay in our house, and they would take turn to live with us. They each found a cheap flat to live in when they weren’t with us. That uncomfortable situation went on for a few months, until we began to see both of my parents home at the same time. At first the official reason was cause our house was more convenient for my father to go to work on a specific day, but my mother then began to stay longer at our home cause “she was too tired to go back to her flat”. And in a few weeks, the familial situation was pretty much back to normal, everyone was living 24/7 in the same house, until they announced us they didn’t want to divorce anymore.
This was a few years ago, and now I think everything is forgotten an forgiven. My father changed his job and is now at home almost every evening, and my mother started to smile again.
— Yoedric
3.
I was 17 and my family (my dad, mom, younger sibling, and I) took a winter vacation to Gatlinburg TN. While there, me being the antisocial, internet nerd that I still am today at 23, used my dad’s computer to check up on friends and forums I was on. I pulled up Facebook to post some photos and updates about our trip, but my dad’s Facebook page was logged in. One I didn’t know he had. On the page he was flirting with other women via posts on their walls. Things like “you are the most beautiful woman ever.”
I was mostly in shock and spent the rest of the trip even MORE antisocial and quiet. I didn’t tell my mom because my dad had always hammered it into my head not to tell in people. I later learned he had drug and alcohol problems among other things, so telling me this from a young age was probably a way to save his ass in case of relapse. (Which happened, though I didn’t find out about it until later.)
My mom eventually found out the spring after. I remember because I saw her looking through his phone in their bathroom before she was supposed to go to school (Nursing degree). I heard angry whispering and she curled up on the couch and started crying. My mom never cried. It just wasn’t in her normal range of expressing emotions. I left for school and cried there because I hated seeing my mom like that. When I got home she hadn’t even left. I asked and she said she didn’t feel well. I told her I knew and I was sorry I hadn’t told her before. My mom not going to school was a huge flag for me. She had gone to school awful sick before. Just proof of how bad she felt about it.
I later learned even more. He’d cheated on my mom before they were married. They had gotten divorced 6 months after getting married because he cheated. Then they had me and it stopped a bit. He did it again before my sister was born. My mom is pretty sure he has a son out there somewhere with an old friend of his from a year or so before I was born. The girl kept calling my dad and showed up at the house once asking for him with a little boy who she claimed was his. I tried to find her a few months ago but no such luck.
There’s a lot more to my dad’s ridiculous issues but that’s just the infidelity bits. We were always super close even after I learned. We were practically the same person in mannerisms and interests and academic interest. Only I managed to avoid the drug use and infidelity issues.
4.
His girlfriend contacted me on facebook.
What a fucking loony toon job she was. Apparently he had cut it off with her and she was desperately trying to figure out why. So, yeah, sure message me on facebook.
Turns out my mom knew, and was happy to have a confirmation that he had ended it when I told her how insane she was.
Good dad…poor husband.
5.
I caught my abusive dad on a dating site when I was about 15. I was a really sick kid growing up so I was homeschooled at the time and woke up one morning and saw him on the office computer while my mom was at work. Was asking him about something and he must have not realised that I was reading the screen behind him. He had already been caught having an affair a year prior by my mom so I wasn’t that shocked.
He was violent towards me and my mom so I wrestled for weeks on whether or not I should tell her. Every moment I was alone with her its all I could think about until finally one day at the grocery store it just came out. I told her the exact conversation I had read and that he told the woman she could come over and sleep in their bed.
Eventually my mom told him about a month later and all hell broke loose. It was terrible and per usual when that kind of fight would happen she sent me to live with my older sister for a few months. They ended up staying together for about 3 more years with my mom putting up with the same thing and me basically living with my sister for good. She finally was able to leave him when I was 18 and now I have an amazing stepdad who could not be a better human being.
6.
Went to visit dad at work while at college. Found out that he had a girlfriend. Had to come home and tell my mom. It was a mess and took 5 years for the divorce. I don’t speak to my father anymore, for a mess of reasons, mostly stemming from that.
7.
I was sitting in the back seat of the car while my dad ran into the store for something, and my mom was sitting in front of me. I looked over her shoulder at her phone not expecting to see anything interesting, but to my surprise she was texting another man about how in love they were. I acted like I didn’t see it until I worked up the nerve to confront her about it a week or so later. Once she knew that I knew, she told my father. She didn’t want to end the affair but also didn’t want a divorce.
My dad and I told her it was us or him, and she should leave if she wanted to be with him. She left that night, but came back the next day saying she chose us. We all knew she kept seeing him secretly, but my dad said he’d rather have part of her love than none. I hated her for a while, but we started to make up and become okay with each other about a year later. About a month after we actually became close again, she unexpectedly passed away. I wasted the last year of my mother’s life hating her over that guy, and I will never regret anything as much as I regret that.
8.
I am not proud of myself. I suspected for years that my father was having an affair (he was not very good at inconspicuous texting, or lying and he would disappear for hours at a time with no explanation). However, I was only 14 and he was intimidating. He was an alcoholic, prone to bouts of physical violence and outbursts of anger. I was too afraid to tell my mother, for fear of what might happen if I were wrong.
One day I happened to have his phone in my possession and I couldn’t resist checking and the texts I saw confirmed my suspicions. I was still too afraid to say anything so I started sabotaging small things around him. I would secretly delete texts from the other woman before he could read them and watch him become irritated by her lack of response. He had gluten intolerance so I put bread in his calcium supplements. I thought he should be punished as often as possible. I’m not proud of what I did and I wish I had spoken up because I could have spared us years of pain.
He ended up throwing us out of our home after the other woman called my mother to tell her what was going on.
We’re a lot happier now.
9.
I cut school to smoke weed.
Mom cut work to blow some dude. I guess he was her boss.
Basically I caught them in the act. She did the cliche “it’s not what it looks like!!” Ummm, I don’t know mom. I’m not sure how else to interpret his penis in your mouth. It also sucked because the guy was black.
I told my dad. They had a huge fight that got physical then he left. I have not seen him since.
10.
My sisters figured it out, and showed me their evidence, and I didn’t believe it.
My father was always a moody person, and would often have hissy fits and want to be on his own, so it took a while for us to notice anything was off. There were little hints here and there, like when he was suddenly defensive of an adulterous family friend that he’d previously condemned, or when he was writing moody and sappy love songs on his guitar.
He started getting phone calls most days around dinner time, and my sister overheard a woman’s voice wailing ‘I love you, I love you!’ on a couple of occasions. Then she started to snoop through his emails and search history and found out that when he’d been at a “conference” in Vancouver, he’d booked a very expensive hotel in Seattle with my mum’s credit card (she was always the breadwinner).
I was living away from home when this all happened, and as I’d not seen it in person, I didn’t believe my sisters when they told me. My dad was always a bit controlling with my mum and worshiped the ground she walked on.
Well, it turned out they were right. He randomly got a job offer halfway across the country, conveniently in the city where a female ‘friend’ of his lived. It was a big blow to all of us, but a blessing in disguise. When he left we started talking about his behaviour and finally admitted to each other that he’d abused each of us separately.
He’s married to his mistress now, and she’s completely unhinged. I haven’t spoken to either of them in years, and I have finally managed to get my mental health and self esteem under control. My mum has an amazing partner now, and I’ve never seen her so happy.
— KtEire
11.
I found an email from my mother to my father about his affair. It’d been going on for about three years at that point (I was 15, 16?).
My parents stayed together until I was 18 and then separated, got a divorce a couple years later. I knew it was coming, didn’t bother me so much because I know how miserable they were – my sisters didn’t. It still affected me a bit.
They’re both a lot happier now separated than they ever were together. Dad is still with that woman and won’t realise that I don’t want to meet her. Mum is still single but she’s happy being that way.
12.
Can’t say it was an affair, but…
Was playing on my dad’s phone. He go to sleep, and I become tired of playing so I opened up his SMS. Have no idea why I did it. And there was few messages from girl with cliche romantic words: “I can’t live without you, you are my star” and so on. There were 3-5 messages.
Today I can’t say for sure about outgoing SMS, if my dad reply to this messages. But since my dad doesn’t delete this ones, I assume he wanted to keep this messages. (My mom is really bad with mobile phones, she literally can use only two buttons – answer call and end call)
When I read this messages, I was in shock. It was in my 15 or 16 and have a very bad social skills. I have no idea what to do with this information. What if this just a flirting or some joke? My mother is pretty tough character, so I expected a freaking shitstorm worse than Katrina.
So I ended up doing nothing. 8 years or less after this, he left my mom. As far as I know, it was not a “girl from SMS”. But this fact don’t give me any relief.
13.
My dad and brother and I were on a trip around america. For some reason my dad wanted to come back a week early and surprise my mom at the restaurant she said she was at. So we show up and I run up to my mom and give her a hug and she looks horrified.
Turns out she was at this restaurant on a date with a “work associate”. She said she wanted to go to the house first to clean up because she wasnt expecting us. We got home first. I guess my dad found something he did not like because there was some really intense drunk screaming that went down all night after that. They’ve been divorced almost 8 years now. Worst part was that this guy had come to visit a few times, stayed in our guest room, and ate dinner with my family several times. This was only one of her eight extra-marital affairs. Fun times. Thanks mom.
14.
I always had a sneaking suspicion that my dad was cheating. He was traveling on vacation when my mom got a call from the woman he had been cheating with for almost 3 years. Of course my mom didn’t tell me it was her at the time.
A few days later (after my parents tell me they are getting a divorce) I was looking through my mom’s purse for gum and found a romantic letter my dad had written to his mistress while we were on a family vacation in Italy. Apparently the woman had dropped in off in our mailbox as “proof” for my mom.
I hated my dad for a long time but eventually got over it. We still don’t talk much for other reasons and his actions definitely left a permanent mark on his character for me. Parents put themselves on a pedestal for their kids and when the shit hits the fan, they fall far.
15.
Because my dad is an idiot, I found out he was cheating on my mom through Facebook, since he wasn’t careful at all, and I could just go through his account pretty damn easily. I read all sorts of shit, and didn’t know what to do so I didn’t tell my mom…I think because I could always tell that there was something off about them. I don’t remember them ever being intimate, they would fight often, etc.
Anyway, they’re separated at the moment, probably getting a divorce eventually. My dad isn’t allowed at family dinners and such, which is completely fine with me, because I hate him.
16.
My dad cheats a lot. One time my mom got pretty suspicious when she found him texting outside and around the corner when he was drunk. She had me go through his texts, and while he was clever enough to delete his incoming texts, he didn’t know he could delete his sent texts. I had the same phone, switched to the sent folder, where we pieced together both sides of the story. My mom called the lady and her husband over, they had a big confrontation, and my parents almost divorced.
I think she’s just waiting for the right time, to be honest. When money isn’t an issue. My poor mom has put up with this many times. I feel bad for her.
17.
No throwaway because the situation is blown up and everyone kinda knows about it. Pretty much my Dad was caught cheating back in ’07 my mother (pregnant at the time) confronted him and eventually he broke it off with mystery woman.
Fast forward to to about ’14 and the feeling in the house is super tense. It eventually gets out that mom ended up cheating also because of all the crap my dad put her through, being the petty people they are divorce was the natural course of things.
Now it’s an endless custody battle over the 4 other kids while I luckily escape it by turning 18 this year. However the entire situation is taking its toll on everyone and led to me going to a local community college to try and shield the younger ones from the entire thing.
Just as a disclaimer to those who are thinking about an affair or are actively cheating, just remember that your kids lives are just as complex as yours. Don’t drag them through your issues because legally they can’t do a thing about it and the psychological issues that are stereotypically talked about are there, even if the kids are quiet about the situation.
18.
I didn’t exactly catch him but my mom and I both came to the same conclusion that he was cheating because in Words with Friends it said “[my dad] likes to chat!” and we both knew he wasn’t talking to us.
We were right. He’s dating someone who’s eleven years older than me. My mom doesn’t play Words with Friends with me anymore 🙁
19.
I caught my dad having an affair. I said nothing to either of my parents. My parents ended up getting a divorce and he married the “whore” and ended up raising her 7 children and they were just awful. She gained about 150 pounds. He told me he regretted ever leaving my mother and I just told him the Karma sure got him. My mother was never happier after adjusting.