Most of us have had a breakup that truly threw us, totally destroyed our sense of self.
We might have acted out, taken to bed with pizza for a week sobbing, maybe even experienced depression or other emotional issues for months or years.
But is there a point when a friend should put up boundaries while helping another friend cope with a breakup?
One Redditor has a friend with a history of dating her exes—and her friend recently went through a breakup that caused her to act out in some very disturbing ways.
“I(21f) used to date this guy, Connor (25). Connor and I met through some mutual friends and dated for around 7 or 8 months. He broke up with me and immediately moved on with one of my best friends, Milly(28). It was hard to watch and it strained my relationship with Milly for a while. She’d constantly remind me they were dating, and at the time it was hurtful. However during that time I met my current boyfriend Matt(21). After Matt the comments stopped meaning anything and I was able to fully accept things. My feelings for Connor disappeared and eventually I was able to fully move on and be happy. I mended my relationship with Milly as well. I now live with Matt after about a year together,” the OP said.
“The moment I introduced Matt, Milly began making the weirdest comments. Things like ‘Oooh, OP you and I have very similar tastes’ and ‘Be nice to him or I might just have to take this one from you too!’ It was super uncomfortable for both me and Matt, so I texted her after to let her know that the comments weren’t appreciated or appropriate.”
“She called me a few days ago begging us to come over. Apparently Connor had dumped her and she was having a mental breakdown in their apartment. We showed up, saw the place was a mess and told her to shower while we straightened up and ordered dinner. She calls for help from the shower, I go to help her and she’s in her robe with it fully open, laying on the floor with her legs open. The second she sees me, she closes her robe and stands up like nothing happened. I didn’t know what to think, but as the night went on it just got to be a lot. She wouldn’t get dressed out of her robe and kept ‘almost’ exposing herself.”
When it got late, Milly suggested the OP go home, so she started to pack up her things with Matt. But then Milly said she needed Matt to say, and the OP snapped and called her a “desperate little b*tch.”
“Yesterday we found out that she had a full meltdown after we left and didn’t show up to work for 5 days. Her sister came to check on her and found the house an absolute mess. Milly told them we left her alone after she begged us to stay. I told our friends my side and most of them are saying I did the right thing. But her sister and some of our other friends are saying I’m an asshole for leaving her alone when she was clearly in crisis. Honestly I’m beginning to think I should’ve just sucked it up and held my tongue.”
Should she have? What do Redditors think?
“She is way out of line and inappropriate. In all honesty I don’t think this friendship is healthy and you should end it. She had every intention of trying to have sex with your current boyfriend. Does she need help? Probably. Are you responsible to get her that help at risk of your own mental health and relationships? HELL NO. Her sister and her family need to take care of her. Not you and if her sister contacts you again. Tell her her sister is her problem,” said ShibeDogeBork.
“If you had left Matt there alone like she wanted, you’d be TA because that would be putting him in an incredibly uncomfortable position where he’d essentially have to be fending her off all night. He seems like a good guy who isn’t interested in cheating on you or taking advantage of a girl who’s in a bad mental state. NTA at all – it sounds like she has a lot of self-esteem/external validation issues and she needs therapy surrounding that but it’s not you or your BF’s job to fix that. Obviously calling someone a desperate bitch is no one’s finest hour, but you handled the other situations of her literally dating your ex and the inappropriate comments re: Matt with so much maturity and grace that for me, you get a pass on that one. It seems like you’re a patient person but understandably, that situation pushed you too far,” said Motherofbeansthecat.
“100% you should have left then. All that stuff she’s doing, that’s sexual harassment. You don’t expose yourself like that on purpose without consent, which I believe in this case she did. Cut off contact from her asap. She needs serious help, but not from you,” explained Frankietank12.
“Wow. What did I just read? In no way are you the AH here but your friend Millie is, big time. So are your friends who said you were overreacting. Whether she was in crisis or not, it doesn’t excuse her behavior towards you and Matt. You came over to be a good friend and she tried to manipulate your kindness, disregarding your boundaries all together. Yikes,” said intolerablefem.
“Absolutely NTA. You respected her when she got with your ex but she is purposely disrespecting your current relationship as well as being inappropriate. No true friend would act like this. I would suggest having a sit down discussion with another friend as mediator but I doubt her behaviours will change. Time to ask yourself if she is the kind of friend you want around. But you are most certainly not the asshole for protecting your relationship from someone clearly intent on ruining it,” noted Mysterious_Drawer_77.
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