wife bff hook-up, husband slept with wife best friend
Relationships

Guy Asks If He’s Wrong For Hiding His Hook-Up With Wife’s BFF Before They Got Married

Some couples go on breaks and then get back together—but what if on your break, you slept with your wife’s best friend and she got pregnant? And because she was also sleeping with her ex, no one knew who the father was until years later?

This incredibly complicated story comes from a Redditor who wants to know if he’s an assh*le for not telling his now-wife that during their break, he slept with her best friend and potentially fathered her child. 

“About 7 years ago, my wife’s best friend and her husband split and it looked like they were headed for divorce. Around the same time my wife (then girlfriend) and I split. I think it is worth pointing out that my wife was the one who called it quits. When we split, we were officially broken up. This was not just a break,” writes the OP. 

“I did not see any chance for us and figured our relationship was done, so when my wife’s best friend showed interest, I decided to sleep with her. We were never serious. It was purely physical. This went on for a few months, and then she broke things off with me because she and her husband had decided to give things another shot. It was not long after they reconciled that she announced they were expecting.” 

Yikes. 

The wife’s best friend never reached out to the OP to confirm that the child was his, so he assumed it was her husband’s. A year later, he started seeing his ex again and they eventually got married. He never told his wife about the relationship with her best friend because they were not together at the time. 

“Everything was fine until her best friend and her husband starting have problems a year ago. They have been going through a nasty divorce. At some point her husband decided he wanted a paternity test and discovered that his daughter is not his biologically. The best friend then admitted she was mostly sure it was mine. The husband then contacted my wife and told her what her friend had said. Since then I have been dealing with the fallout.” 

Basically, the OP’s wife thinks he’s an a** for not mentioning the relationship even though the two agreed to not discuss who they slept with during their break. The OP thinks “it seems crazy to me to hold this against me when I never suspected anything.” 

What do Redditors think? Some have no sympathy for the OP’s predicament. 

“It’s not unreasonable to think it would be best to disclose this to your wife once you got back together. You also said you had no reason to suspect the child was yours, which I find laughable,” said greenfoxbluefox.

“If it was some random woman you messed around it when you weren’t with your wife, there wouldn’t be much of a reason to tell her. But her best friend? I think you are using that term loosely because my best friend would never not tell me she thinks her child may be my husbands. That’s actually ridiculous you both didn’t tell her if they still are friends. I would 100% leave my husband over this and never talk to the ‘best friend’ again,” said msbx76.

“You were dishonest about something incredibly crucial and although you said you had no reason to believe the child was yours, I call bs. Any sex with another woman always runs risk of pregnancy, you’d have to live under a rock not to know that. This was key information she deserved to have before you reconciled- information that could make or break your relationship. You knew it was bad so you kept it a secret. Your wife had a right to hear the truth and decide weather or not she wanted to stay with you. You’ve wasted her time and you’ve betrayed her. If you refuse to see that, there is no redemption for you. I hurt for your wife and I hope she leaves you,” sockmaster420 said. 

Some Redditors disagreed. 

“The 2 of you were broken up and it was never expected that you got back together. The thing between you and the friend was strictly physical. No one was cheating on anyone, and you have stated nothing was shared between you and your wife about any relations while you were apart. Honestly my fiance and I have never shared anything more than numbers with one another. I don’t know names and neither does he, and we are both perfectly fine with that. I feel the only thing that sucks about this entire situation was the info got back to your wife before you. I feel like you should have been told first so you could break the news to your wife,” said  Serenity_Owl.

“No one was cheating on anyone here. I’ve known plenty of friends who have hooked up with each other before marrying other people in our circle. I think it’s fine to demand to know prior to marriage if it’s important to you. But if the agreement was to not talk about it, then there’s no reason to. It’s unfortunate that the brief relationship resulted in a pregnancy. The wife is entitled to feel however she does about the situation,” agreed jephistopheles. 

What do you think? Should the OP have told his wife about the sexual relationship and possible child?

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Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.