There are all types of relationships, and they should be treated as equal. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
One Redditor with a platonic partner of 18 years feels disrespected over a recent slight regarding a wedding invite.
The bride, a longtime friend, apparently didn’t feel it was necessary to provide the OP with a plus one for her partner—but other couples did receive a plus one. So the OP politely declined—and now is facing the bride’s anger and confusion.
“I am currently 42F as is platonic soulmate Betty. Now that weddings are happening here however with guest limitations the invites are coming in. I currently have an issue with a friend of mine who has opted to extend a plus one to another friend Lora, who has only been with her boyfriend for <6 months but not to myself so I can bring Betty who I’ve been living with for the last 18 years. It would have been fine if Betty had gotten a separate invite as she is friends with the bride too, but she didn’t.”
“So when I was catching up with Lora, she mentioned that she was bringing her boyfriend to the wedding, so I asked if she got a plus 1, and she said yes and then asked me I got one for Betty or if Betty was invited. I said no, there was an awkward pause so I just said, it’s hard with guest limits and we moved on.”
The OP ended up RSVPing no to the wedding, thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal. However, the bride ended up calling and inquiring why the OP wasn’t able to attend.
“She starting asking if she had offended me or was it because we hadn’t kept in touch much during lockdown, so I thought I would be honest and tell her it was because Betty hadn’t been invited. She pointed out that Betty wasn’t my SO and I told her Betty is my platonic SO and had been for 18 years where as Lora had only known her bloke for less than 6 months so he hardly counts as an SO.”
“She said I was being unreasonable because the SO title was for romantic relationships and weddings are to celebrate romantic unions but I told her I felt it was unreasonable that Betty hadn’t been invited. She told me I couldn’t dictate her guest list, and I could tell things weren’t going to be resolved, so I finished the call by telling her that under no circumstance was I wanting her to extend an invite to Betty if she felt her guest list couldn’t accommodate it but she should respect that I had RSVP’d no. I also wished her all the best for her wedding day.”
Lora reached out to the OP and gently suggested the OP go anyway because the bride escaped an abusive marriage and finally found love. The OP said she was over her relationship being considered 2nd tier all the time when it’s outlasted most of their friends’ marriages, and that she doesn’t feel like she has support.
What do Redditors think?
“It is extremely bad form not to invite an SO or spouse to a wedding and to expect the other to show up alone. The fact you two are platonic is irrelevant. You are a couple in this case and it’s the bride who owes you an apology. Aces and Aros can have SOs,” said Cat_in_an_oak_tree.
“NTA. Platonic relationships are as valid as romantic relationships and if after 20 years of friendship (18 of those you were with Betty) she didn’t understand that, there maybe is a problem in your friendship and in how she sees your relationship with Betty. You didn’t even try to make Betty invited, you just said no and that was it but she is the one who said you couldn’t dictate her guest list when that’s not what you did,” noted lexa166.
“The bride had no real reason to not invite Betty and her ‘logic’ regarding your relationship is flawed. That yours has lasted longer is worth noting. At the least, she should have simply accepted the ‘no’ and been ok with it. I won’t call her the AH for the guest list, though, as it is her decision in the end. I will say she is being unreasonable though,” said Anthissa21.
“NAH for the first part of the story. Brides/grooms can invite or not invite whoever they want to their party. Invitees can accept or decline. The bride was an AH for calling you up and demanding an explanation. Your response was honest and you tried to deflect, so I don’t fault you for complaining about your platonic SO not being invited,” explained Excellent-Compote-17.
“It’s not often I read these posts and actually feel someone’s disappointment. Please don’t ruin a friendship over this, but you’re in your right to stand your ground. You feel disrespected…and that’s okay, but I hope that you can further your conversation with the bride as to why you feel slighted,” said brownishgirl.
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