Patricia Grisafi
Family relationships are complicated enough as it is without discovering that your sister-in-law is had a relationship with your husband. One Redditor and her husband went to go help his grandmother recover from a broken hip but instead, she got a surprise.
She ended up having to reckon with her husband’s ex-fiancée—who is now married to his brother but keeps pestering her man.
The OP’s husband never hid that he was previously engaged, but since he is estranged from his family, they ostensibly never had to deal with his brother and brother’s wife.
Should the OP ignore the ex-fiancée now sister-in-law? Or confront her?
“My husband and I have been married since July. He was estranged from his dad/half-siblings long before we started dating so I only met them a few months ago. In October, his grandmother broke her hip, so we went to stay with her to help with her care. It got out that we were staying with her and his dad’s family popped in a few times to try and talk to my husband. He got really cold whenever they were around.”
“Eventually, his older half-brother’s wife showed up too and insisted on staying over to ‘help.’ She’s spent every second trying to get my husband’s attention. At first, I thought she was doing it to try and get him to talk to his dad’s side until his grandmother made a comment about how she was a desperate harlot. I asked her about it and she told me about how she used to be engaged to my husband but broke up with him for his half-brother when my husband got disinherited.”
“He was very upfront when we first started dating that he had previously been engaged when he was 22 but refused to explain why they broke up. He just kept insisting their engagement was a mistake. I feel very uncomfortable now around her and I’m not sure what to do. We can’t leave because his grandmother needs the help and I really like her so I wouldn’t want to leave her on her own anyway. I did speak to him and he confirmed his grandmother’s story but thinks I should just ignore her.”
Yikes, that’s complicated and awkward. What did Redditors have to say about the situation?
“She’s trying to get your husband’s attention. Your husband is ignoring her. Be on your husband’s side and ignore her ass and/or follow his lead to how to handle her. You guys are a team, he loves you, be a team, together. Focus on his grandmother; you like her, focus all your efforts into helping her. She likes you and that you’re helping, and doesn’t like her,” suggested mb34i.
“What do you want to accomplish? Do you want to verbally dress her down or accost her for hurting the man you love? That will only upset your husband. She is completely and utterly shameless for what she had done; there is nothing you can say that would bother her in the least. This is your husbands family so defer to him on behaviors. If he thinks it is best to not feed the dumpster fire that is his sister in law then do not feed it. Right now he has the moral high ground and you will only erode that in their minds by letting the SIL use your dislike of her as another angle to bother your husband. It sucks, but ignoring her is actually the worst thing you can do to her from her POV. Do not validate her existence in any way. It will crush her. It doesn’t feel as good as speaking your mind, but it is far more effective,” advised cawkstrangla.
“Your grandma or husband should say it to her face. Tell her to leave. Her presence / comments and his lies to you are disrespectful of you and your role. You don’t introduce your wife to your ex fiancée and not say then or after ‘by the way she’s my ex.’ That’s a crazy omission and put you in a terrible position, OP. That ex knew your husband hadn’t told you and then made comments to him in front of you. Totally inappropriate,” said AlmaReville.
“‘He just kept insisting their engagement was a mistake.’ In some fairness, this sounds like an accurate and very tactful way to demonstrate grace by not throwing the witch under the bus. TALK with your husband. Explain how you feel. And see if you can come up with a solution together,” said DoYerThang.
What do you think the OP should do?
Lead image: Pexels
