People crave companionship, sex, and someone to split their bills with. That means they have to keep going out and meeting new people until they land on one tolerable person willing to do all that. When you find that person, it’s awesome, but the process is a nightmare. It involves dating, i.e. spending an evening with a total stranger who may or may not turn out to be a murderer. Or just really boring.
Composer Nick Harvey recently asked Twitter to share their worst date stories. Everybody has at least one, so the response was huge:
What is the worst date you’ve ever been on?
— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) October 21, 2019
Below are all the stories that will make you swear off Tinder, and possibly human connection, forever.
When I was 18 and went on a date with a much older guy. At the end of the night he told me he was into ‘blood play’. I stupidly asked for more details… 5 minutes later I was on the bus heading home.
— Sarah Taylor (@SairLondon) October 21, 2019
He asked me what the worst thing I’d ever done was (I was 17 not much) then told me his was that he’d had sex with his sister. His actual biological sister…
— Sophia Behn (@SophiaBehn) October 21, 2019
Met up, she bought a mate, walked along the coast, asked me to wait there she’ll be back in a minute. After an hour went to meet my mates in the pub, she was sitting on my mates knee having lots of fun. I was 16, don’t think I spoke to another girl a for 2 years. It haunts me now
— baconbaps (@baconbaps1) October 21, 2019
..I tentatively asked. He burst into tears at the table. Big, splashy, non-stop tears. The waitress handed him tissues as he sobbed. “I’m so sorry” I said, presuming the worst but thinking it was an odd choice for a dating app photo, “I didn’t realise your Mother had passed away”
— Hels Bels (@_Hels_) October 21, 2019
At this point he starts actually wailing, gets up and goes to the toilets. 10 minutes later he comes back, face still streaked with tears. He looks at me & says, “No, she’s not dead, I’m crying because…well…. I just really love my Mum” OMG!
— Hels Bels (@_Hels_) October 21, 2019
I have LOADS, but this one from my friend still makes me laugh
She went on a tinder date with a guy, got a bit drunk, went back to his, they had sex, he finished on her outer thigh (🤷♀️) and then started crying and went off to write in his journal. She left promptly afterwards.
— Anna (@AnnaSels) October 21, 2019
He took me out for a drink, drove me home but on the way he stopped the car, opened his door, puked out the side of the car then tried to snog me. Gross.
— H Y B R I D. 🌍 (@hybridscores) October 21, 2019
“Nice to see you. Just to let you know I’m not really looking for anyone; I’m setting up a dating agency and I’m just doing some market research. Shall we get a drink?”
— Kaptain Kobold (@KaptainKobold) October 21, 2019
The one when the date started crying because I’d ordered a roast dinner at the restaurant we where in.
Reminded her that her ex had booted one out of the window in a rage when he broke up with her – it was the first one she had made, and wanted to show him how much she loved him.
— Deadblood was the best ABC Warrior…dont @ me (@The_Only_Doyle) October 21, 2019
At least I’ve now learned to cut my bacon into smaller pieces, so there’s that.
— quitedo (@q1t3d0) October 21, 2019
How was the date, though? 😀
— TheDweeb #FBPE #FBPE5000 (@thedweebster) October 22, 2019
Spent the whole evening asking me “controversial” questions eg. Do you need glasses or just wear them for attention, would you rather have a child with autism or Downe syndrome? I left after 1 glass of wine at 9pm claiming I “had to go to the gym”
— Sophie Gadd (@sophie_gadd) October 21, 2019
I think you mean best date
— Tom Riley (@tomriley84) October 21, 2019
She sat smiling and not saying anything for 2 hours, then “Gay Bar” by Electic Six played and she burst into tears and ran to the toilets. When she came back she told me she’s been seeing the synth player in the band and had been dumped when his wife found out a few days earlier https://t.co/JUCXEgIH2r
— Bethany Blackula (@BeffernieBlack) October 21, 2019
The very first thing she did on sitting down was take out a small glass bottle and started spooning a syrupy liquid into her mouth. “Homeopathy?” I asked, heart sinking. “No, a powerful sedative-hypnotic drug” she replied, “If I don’t take it I’d be hysterical right now.”
— Conor Horgan (@ConorHorgan) October 21, 2019
“I don’t like yours much!”
— 🇪🇺David🇪🇺Brady🇪🇺 (@AntiProfessor) October 21, 2019