16.
Me: ‘What have you been up to today?’
Him: ‘Training’.
Me: ‘Oh, what for?’
Him (seemingly incredulous that I didn’t know): ‘Hahahahahahahahha!’
It was our only date and I never saw him again. This was about 30 years ago and I still occasionally wonder what he was training for.— Ant (@Mckyntyre) October 21, 2019
17.
I got very pissed beforehand, he cooked spaghetti Bolognese. I threw up at the table and spaghetti came out of my nose.
— Fancy Nancy (@ClareMBrown1) October 21, 2019
18.
Probably the one who sat opposite me at a table in a crowded restaurant and announced “I’m very good at cunnilingus”, before showing me a picture of his sister’s breasts. I escaped through a window.
— 🐒Betty🐒 (@Bettykitten) October 21, 2019
19.
He was boring, humourless, & smelled odd, like pork. Said he’d pay for dinner so I’d “owe” him & winked pointedly. Had the gall to get offended when I asked him if he’d blow a guy in exchange for a night of tedious conversation, badly grilled fish & a bottle of sparkling water.
— Mealy Pertaters (@MPertaters) October 21, 2019
20.
As she was peeing, I calmly said “ hey Mel whatcha doin??”
Her: “peeing!!”
Me: “all righty”
Next morning she wakes up. I say watch out for wet spot on carpet. She asks why and I tell her. She pulls blanket over head and cries. I never see her again….
— Hard No (@icaughtwhat) October 24, 2019
21.
Via a dating site…
1. Her profile pic was at least 10 years old.
2. She had researched me to the point that she knew my car registration number before I arrived.
3. 20 minutes in she asked if she could borrow £15k (I absolutely did not have £15k).I made my excuses & left.
— Richard Parker 🔶 (@tackbunny) October 21, 2019
22.
Not me, but my mate Dan met her parents on a (near) first date. He sat on their sofa and accidentally sat on the family pet dog breaking its back. It had to be put down.
— Phillip Smith Esq. (@PhilAtCreamCow) October 21, 2019
23.
This is golden.
— quitedo (@q1t3d0) October 21, 2019
24.
Guys turns up late, on phone.
Says to caller, “I’ll call you back in…” *looks me up and down* “…45 minutes.”
I foolishly stayed for one drink; he talked about his mother the whole time.
— Michaela Gardner (@hey_micky) October 21, 2019
25.
I don’t have a story but a friend of mine went on an excruciating date where she did most of the talking and got one word answers – and he asked her one solitary question: ‘how many days annual leave do you get per year?’ Needless to say she swerved the attempted snog at the end.
— SeeingStars (@seeingstars76) October 21, 2019
26.
I arrived early, put songs on the jukebox, he arrived late, complained about the ‘noisy’ music, asked me to a Daniel O’Donnel gig 😳 asked if I could cook and sew, said he liked missionary sex once a week in the dark, none of that kinky stuff! I ‘fainted’ then got a taxi home 🏆
— Kathleen Foster (@kaff1972) October 21, 2019
27.
Not mine, but my friend went on a date hungover. Went to the loo to vomit during the date, the toilet seat fell on her nose. She had to return to the table and style out the big gash on the bridge of her nose
— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️🌈 (@craiguito) October 21, 2019
28.
When I said I wasn’t sure we had chemistry, he agreed and asked if he could come along later to my friend’s party to see if there was anyone else there he could hook up with. I was 22, he was 38.
— Klapton mother of Spartans (@dramateachgeek) October 21, 2019
29.
Rampant Tory (didn’t realise), took my to a grotty westminster pub and ate dinner in front of me without asking if I was hungry, lectured me on politics then told me I wasn’t posh enough for him but I could be his “bit on the side” and offered me a quickie. I said no, obvs.
— Becca Magnus (@beccamagnus) October 21, 2019
30.
He turned up with a plastic bag with a pair of jeans in it that he had tried to dye yellow to ‘show me’ then told me that he can hang a tea towel off his erect penis. As I made my excuses to leave he chucked a box of 12 Jaffa cakes at me. https://t.co/WL8jvhQMlg
— Charlotte (@redwingcalling) October 21, 2019
More of the worst dates:
- Woman Shares Tinder Convo With Dude Who’s ‘Not Ready’ To Share Light Appetizers With A First Date
- Woman Calls Out ‘Hobosexual’ For Trying To Date Her Only So He Could Have A Place To Sleep
- Woman Gets Next-Level Salty Texts From Dude She Went On A Tinder Date With Six Months Ago
- 33 Memes That Will Make People Who Are Awkward Daters Point And Say, ‘Me’
- Man Tries To Booty Call A Date By Negging Her Film-Watching Skills