AskReddit

“What Is The Worst Pickup Line You’ve Ever Heard?”—The 25 Best Replies

We all laugh awkwardly when we hear those ridiculous “Are you hurt? Because you just fell from heaven,” pick-up lines at the pub, but dear reader: These cringy moments aren’t just the stuff of Tinder-inspired nightmares and TV shows.

There are real people lurking about out there who use these horrible pick-up lines in some bid to connect with (no, thanks) or have sex with (god, no, please don’t poison my gene pool) another human being— presumably someone who will immediately turn them down (we can only hope). 

Over on Reddit, the user OGVenon123 asked people what their worst pick-up line experiences have been. And let’s just say it makes me worried for the future of humanity.

What’s the worst pickup line you’ve ever heard/used?

Here are 25 of the worst pick-up lines you’ll ever hear.

1.

“When I was in college, there was one liquor store in the area that wouldn’t ID, but barely anyone ever went there, wasn’t sure why. Anyways, I go there, get a bottle and in front of me was a girl from the college. She gets rung out and I grab my bottle and as I’m walking out the door, this fat homeless guy looks up at her and yells “Damnnnnnn girllllll, you look so good I just wanna chop you up and put you in my sandwich” And makes a WHRLLBRGH noise as he showcases how he would approach this metaphorical hottie sandwich. Never seen someone run that fast to their car lmao.”—RaijunsHammer 

2.

“You are good woman. I am good man.”—ktsb

 

3.

 “You know that dress you’re wearing would look even better laying on the floor next to my bed?” said to me in the early 80’s.”—redghostplanet

4.

“I was at a concert and I overheard a girl ask a guy, “Hey, can I borrow your lighter?”

“Sure, here you go. Can I borrow your number?”

“Sure, here you go.”

That sh*t actually worked?!?!?”—deeproot

5.

“I was bar-hopping with some mates. Already quite drunk, we walk into a bar, grab our drinks, and before we sit down. One of my friends turn to me and says, “Hey, watch this”. I knew he was up to something, I turn around to see him walking straight to a girl at the bar. It went down like this. Friend: “Hey… did you fall from heaven?”

Her: blushes, “Wh-” Friend: “Because it certainly looks like it.” He cracks up and staggers away. I was absolutely stunned. I had to go and apologize on his behalf. Ended up chatting to her the whole night, got her number and met up with her a week later. He insists that was the plan all along but I’m not convinced.”—lesquishi

6.

“Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.”—OxtailPhoenix

 

7.

“I sh*t my pants can I get in yours?”—bot_boi0420

8.

“Said to me by a super short dude: ‘We’re all the same height laying down.'”—RainbowDonkey473

9.

 “I had a friend who went up to a girl in a bar and asked, “Did you just sit in a puddle, or are you pleased to see me?”—SilentSamamander

10.

“Are you Abraham Lincoln? Because you’re causing an uprising down south.”—peterg1996

11.

 “I’d break every chair in the world just to have you sit on my face.”—ouchmypeeburns

12.

“About 12 years ago, a buddy and I sat down at a dive bar. He looked at the chick next to him and just said “Wanna bang?” She looked him up and down briefly and went “Yea…alright, let me finish this beer first.” It was impressive and disgusting.”—Carljibbs

13.

“Are you a bank loan? Cause you got my interest.”—hamthesam1234

14.

 “Those glasses make you look like a pornstar.” When I visibly had a WTF look he then panicked and said, “No, no I meant they’d make me look like a pornstar,” then stole them off my face and put them on like, see?? I did not see, because funnily enough I couldn’t see without my glasses.”—smolkitten96

15.

“I was drunk and flirting with this girl at my friend’s party. I honestly wasn’t getting the impression that she was that into me, but she still seemed to enjoy my company and it was fun conversation. Anyway, we were eavesdropping on these two other people that were flirting with each other hard as in they were definitely going to bang it out that night. Lots of heavy petting, etc. I forget exactly what it was, but the guy dropped some super corny pickup line and the girl absolutely swooned. We were laughing about it and then I just looked directly at her and said with all seriousness “If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?”—brett8763

16.

“You look just like my sister.”—flipping_birds

17.

“Used on me by another female: Walked up to me pulled her jeans pockets out and then asked, “Wwould you like to kiss a bunny on its nose?”—ladyjanitor

18.

“Are ya moist?” Friend of a friend used it on a girl.”—sugar-soad

19.

“Not to objectify you in any way, and I mean this in a respectful way, but I want to gargle your junk like a garbage disposal.” I drunkenly said that to my best friend’s sister during his wedding reception. For the record, I got her number.”—neurotica_9000

20.

“Did you see the mistake in Spotify? They didn’t have you as the hot single. To this day, I still cringe at that.”—floatybean

21.

“You’re like a jar of Nutella, cause you’re thick and I’m tryna spread it.”—maxlovespizzarolls

22.

“Safe & Social I’m a woman. when I see a guy with a cool shirt I say nice tits as an opener.”—thinwhiteheroine

23.

“My friend said he had great pick up line. It was “are you my toe? Cause I wanna bang you against furniture at my place.” My other friend, already wasted, insisted that he would try it on a hot girl at a bar. We followed him as he approached and said: “Hey are you my toe?… Cause… you look… like my toe…” That was probably the worst I’ve heard.”—franka035

24.

“My friend was once hit with: Do you work at Subway? Because I’m pretty sure you gave me a $5 footlong.”—dysteech

25.

“Damn girl you sh*t with that ass?”—los_estupidos

More of the best and worst pickup lines:

Leigh MB