Max
Marriage is a lot of work.
But more importantly, it takes a sense of humor.
If you need proof of that, look no further.
All of the following husband tweets perfectly sum up the funniest parts of spending your life with someone who will eternally veto your Netflix selections.
Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
Wife: But I only…
Me: EXACTLY the amount— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014
Before I got married I didn’t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) June 10, 2015
[runs to the door to greet wife]
I’m afraid there’s been a terrible accident involving all the things you asked me to do today.— David Hughes (@david8hughes) February 28, 2016
Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife’s home.
— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) May 28, 2015
Relationship status: My wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016
ME: isn’t this great??
WIFE: not really
ME: *looks down from the top bunk* what’s wrong— local badboy, (@hippieswordfish) November 3, 2015
*rolls over & taps wife’s shoulder to wake her*
So it was “An American Tail” & not ‘Tale’ because Fievel was a mouse, right?
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) January 4, 2015
[sitting at a table]
Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number*thermostat negotiations*
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 12, 2015
The Mrs and I have been married so long she can finish my sentences.
She also starts most of them and supplies the middle parts too.— I Was A Teenage Meh! (@TheAlexNevil) April 12, 2016
Txt from wife: where r u
Me:kitchen
Wife:can u feed cat
M: I mean garage
W:bring in laundry
M:bathroom
W:clean toilet
M: Idaho
W:get potatos— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 16, 2015
i’ll have the chicken finger platter & my lovely wife will have
*hands over coupon
something of equal or lesser value— Mr. Peel (@Rlpihl) November 19, 2015
accountant: “youre basically broke”
wife: “he keeps spending money on stupid stuff”
me: “lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid”— k e e t (@KeetPotato) October 27, 2015
I don’t understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) September 21, 2014
When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME!” People always clap when she wakes up.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 18, 2015
90% of marriage is spent searching for items that have been moved without your consent.
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) October 14, 2015
(collection via: WorldWideInterweb)
Naturally the next step for you in this journey is to check out These Dad Tweets That Perfectly Sum Up Life As A Parent.
