Pleated-Jeans
11.
Me: (reading the word ‘debuted’) Ok, we practiced this, we know the T is silent. You can do it. Here we go-
My brain: (beaming proudly) DEE-BOOTED
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) September 25, 2019
12.
Lmaooo man i got one hard ass and one snitch 💀💀😂😂 pic.twitter.com/UNA3EBII8J
— brit. (@ToolegitBritt__) September 22, 2019
13.
*sends funny tweet to youngest sis*
sis:
sis:
sis:
sis [4 days later]: lol! btw can i borrow £73 😍😍❤
— Bolu Babalola is genuinely on leave 🍯&🌶 (@BeeBabs) September 23, 2019
14.
https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/1177590619516092416
15.
So in my roommates lab, one of her classmates has a service dog and apparently service dogs also have to wear lab gear &…
Y’all.. just look how cute this is pic.twitter.com/CWvYlh6trF
— Krista Fullerton(: (@kristaaaaaaa_) September 20, 2019
16.
“as per my previous email”
– weirdly formal
– passive aggressive
– might not get a reply“if you’d used your fuckin eyes, Geoff”
– shows a passion for biology
– informal, first name terms
– even better if their name isn’t Geoff— ruby 🐊 (@roobeekeane) September 24, 2019
17.
https://twitter.com/abbygov/status/1175180307852668931
18.
i can only orgasm if a dude says “EA sports. It’s in the game” to me. and it has to be a good impression of the voice.
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) September 27, 2019
19.
[tv] Rachael Ray: now it’s time to marry your pasta with your sauce—
Me: *sitting on my couch, chewing a handful of dry spaghetti* hahahaha HOLY MACARMONY
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) September 27, 2019
20.
https://twitter.com/sadydoyle/status/1177406728578748421
21.
are penguins ever like holy shit everyone loves me all I have to do is walk
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) September 27, 2019
22.
happy birthday gritty. i love you like a real person, not exactly as one loves an child or an animal, but as one yearns in one's gut for the feral spirit that children and animals share. i hope u tunnel under my house someday and eat my dreams. may you live infinitely!!! https://t.co/zV0vFxk475
— Rave Sashayed (@_sashayed) September 24, 2019
23.
https://twitter.com/CaliseHawkins/status/1177277211155619840
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