Aimeé
Ryan Michler is one of those guys on Twitter who makes a living by pretending to be the absolute pinnacle of masculine achievement. His notion of what masculinity means seems to be some sort of mix of faux evolutionary science and 1990s Gillette commercials. Unfortunately, it does seem to work a little, because there are always sad people looking for someone even sadder to follow. But his social media presence still gifts us sometimes.
For instance, this tweet Michler posted about what he’s “accomplished” in the last month. He wrote:
In the past 4 weeks I’ve: Lost 11lbs, 2.5% body fat Increased revenue 23% Home gym build-out Office renovation Installed blinds/flooring Read 6 books Completed my new book outline Secured 7 killer podcast guests Appeared on 12 podcasts Hit 100,000 YouTube subscribers.
You?
Um, hmm that is a lot to get done in a month, even if it is true! But why are we trying to get stuff done?
In the past 4 weeks I’ve:
Lost 11lbs, 2.5% body fat
Increased revenue 23%
Home gym build-out
Office renovation
Installed blinds/flooring
Read 6 books
Completed my new book outline
Secured 7 killer podcast guests
Appeared on 12 podcasts
Hit 100,000 YouTube subscribersYou? 👇🏻
— Ryan Michler (@ryanmichler) April 13, 2020
The replies are pretty incredible, a mix of people mocking Michler’s list and admitting that they’ve barely done anything! Because why is there pressure to do anything in these circumstances?
The best answer might be from this nurse, who is actually working hard during the pandemic:
Gone to work in a care home, 6 nights a week.
Screamed at people on the internet for saying they’re still socialising.
Bought my own ppe so I don’t infect anyone at the home, or my home.
Cried myself to sleep because I’m so so tired.— Heather 🌹 #SaveOurNHS #WashYourDamnHands! (@HeatherFromCPT) April 14, 2020
But the rest of these are good for a laugh:
1.
In the past 4 weeks I’ve:
Gained 9lbs, 86% body fat
Decreased revenue 97%
Attempted a sit-up
Installed 2 Office updates
Sat on floor
Read 1 Pizza Hut flyer
Postponed my new book
Secured 0 podcast guests
Appeared on 0 podcasts
Hit 0 YouTube subscribers because assault is a crime https://t.co/izaHYlg19n— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) April 13, 2020
2.
Lost 12lbs, 3.2% body fat
Increased revenue 24%
Home gym build-out x2
2 Office renovations
Installed blinds/flooring/ceiling
Read 7 books
Completed my new book outline
Secured 8 killer podcast guests
Appeared on 13 podcasts
Hit 100,001 YouTube subscribersYour move guy
— Chad Sexington (@tom_mcghee) April 13, 2020
3.
Eaten my weight in cheese then did two sit-ups out of guilt
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) April 13, 2020
4.
Experienced empathy.
— Katie Mack (@AstroKatie) April 13, 2020
5.
That’s nothing pal. I’ve had 28 luxury poos on account of the fact that the only toilet paper left in the shop was the super-deluxe double-quilted supreme with aloe vera. My bottom has never been in such good condition.
— Simon Bruni (@SimonBruni) April 13, 2020
6.
Over the past four weeks I’ve
Not taken stuff like this seriously
Exactly the same as for the preceding years of my life. You don’t have to be productive in this way. Your life isn’t a factory, judged solely by the volume of its output.
— Alison K. Brown (@alisonkatebr) April 13, 2020
7.
In the last 4 weeks I’ve:
Umm
Read a book
Called Donald Trump a cunt on twitter a couple of times
Constructed a wildly unstable flatpack table
Somehow got BEHIND on a writing deadline https://t.co/BJoaVB8dGG— Adam Kay (@amateuradam) April 13, 2020
8.
Mistook a shite for a fart when out a run. Still scarred from the experience. But I lived to tell the tale.
Top that macho man. https://t.co/LDDTKO88fz
— James Stewart (@james_stewart13) April 13, 2020
9.
If you’d eaten more muesli you could have done 3
— Richard Fortune (@richard_fortune) April 13, 2020
10.
…he’s also ‘reclaimed masculinity’. Who had it? Was in the pound like a stray dog or a towed car?
— Graeme Plunkett 〓〓 (@gplunkett58) April 13, 2020
