Aimeé
11.
In the past 4 weeks I’ve:
Punched an ostrich
Increased my height 23%
Stole a shed
Ignored Portugal
Killed 7 podcast guests
Invented the horse
Moved 6 books
Hummed the theme tune to The Prisoner
Learned to eat concrete
Won an Oscar
Sighed— John Moynes (@JohnMoynes) April 13, 2020
12.
I’ve:
Made a giant matchstick out of tiny models of the Eiffel Tower
Taught a spider to read German
Identified 12 podcasts to definitely not listen to
Eaten my body weight in squirty cream
Watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate
Torn the head off it daily— Bruce Gorrie (@bsgorrie) April 13, 2020
13.
In the past 4 weeks I’ve:
Eaten 16 packets of Cheddars
Watched every Poirot twice
Embroidered three things
Measured my blood pressure/heart rate 1,042 times
Fed two cats every 24 minutes
Spent £903 on guinea pig food and accoutrements
Cried 4.3 gallons of tears
Had 8 rows
🙂 https://t.co/2qdyKEqV9Y— Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed)) (@ancientnmodern) April 13, 2020
14.
don’t feel bad, I’m sure you’ll get something done tomorrow
— bletchley punk is masked up (@alicegoldfuss) April 14, 2020
15.
Eaten my own bodyweight in chocolate and cried a lot about the terrifying amount of people who are dying daily. Worried about my family and friends falling ill, baked bread, ate bread, cried, ate more chocolate.
— Jen 🐇 (@Jennyflower) April 13, 2020
16.
I ate seventeen kitkats. https://t.co/JvNYGhhzSI
— Helen Kingston (@kingstonwrites) April 13, 2020
17.
Oh, ME?
Lost 40lbs (leg amputation)
Increased revenue 68% (cosmic yodel)
Big box fuck-off
Overnight brain rinse
Implanted breath turbine
Wrote 6 books
Killed 7 of your popcast guests
Dog dickpics sent to your bitchdog
Created new self from pure light
Fuck you https://t.co/80qQl81aRE— Ian Martin (@IanMartin) April 13, 2020
18.
Devised a short, elegant proof to Fermat’s last theorem
Dug a moat
Created a transactionless uberblockchain cryptokiller
Benchpressed a VW campervan
Taught myself to imitate the mating call of the Giant Moa
Wrote my autobiography again
Learnt to levitate several centimeters.— Toby-B, Now Wash Your Hands (@MajorGrubert) April 13, 2020
19.
I would be able to get a lot more done if I hadn’t cracked a couple of ribs laughing at your absurd tweets. If it’s a parody, hats off – very well done.
— Peter Walker (@peterwalker99) April 13, 2020
20.
ive had to replace the batteries in my xbox controller about 5 times https://t.co/FY9Edm2BI8
— lil arab (@sweatyhairy) April 13, 2020
