Patricia Grisafi
When someone in the family comes out as trans, there can be an adjustment period. But hopefully, everyone gets on board and respects and supports the person and life can go on! Unfortunately, there are some family members that just cannot seem to move forward.
One dad on Reddit with a trans son recently made the decision to leave his sister’s wedding after she deadnamed him at her wedding in a very nasty and dismissive way.
You don’t need to be around family who doesn’t support your children — ever.
“I’m a 45yro single father of three. Their mom died 10 years ago. I have 3 sons, 17yro Andrew, 15yro Connor and 14yro Max. Connor was born female, he is trans. He came out as trans 5 years ago, and has now socially transitioned, not yet physically,” the OP writes.
“My sister (38F) just got married. Me and my sons were also invited. My family has known that Connor is trans for 2 years now, some have adjusted well, some not so much. My sister is pretty indifferent about it.”
“Her wedding was really super well organised to the last detail. She wanted all the men to wear shirt+tie and then women sundresses. I texted her a picture of our outfits the day before the wedding, and she said ‘where’s Nia’s dress?’ I was a bit surprised and told her not to deadname my son and that he’ll be wearing a shirt and tie like the rest of men there or we aren’t coming. She said ‘fine’ and that was it.”
“At the reception, my sister got mad that Connor was wearing a tie, but didn’t say much after that. When we sat down at our table, the card ‘Nia.’ I went to my sister and she said she used ‘their real name.’ I told her me and the boys are leaving and she told me ‘don’t you dare cause a scene at MY WEDDING, Nia can be a guy any other day.’ I called her a bigot and we left. My family says I ruined her wedding.”
It’s never okay to deadname someone! And good on this dad for standing up for his son!
“You stood up for your kid. That makes you a wonderful parent, definitely NTA,” said
“‘He can be a man any other day’?! What a ridiculous thing to say. Well, sister theoretically could be an AH any other day too yet here we are. NTA. Good on you for standing up to her in support of your son,” said
“NTA, long con idea tho; she got married right? She was miss Smith let’s say, she’s now Mrs Jones right? Conveniently forget the Jones and call her Smith. I mean that’s what you’ve known her as your whole life, so it’s hard to change what you’ve called someone their whole life even if they prefer you call them something else…” suggested
“NTA. First, you’re a hero for protecting your kid. Never feel sorry for that. Second, your sister isn’t ‘indifferent’ to your son being trans. She’s actively a transphobe. Nobody accepting or even indifferent would repeatedly use a deadname. Honestly, in your position I’d just cut her out,” said
“NTA. I came out as trans when I was 16 and I wish I had this kind of support. Your sister is a bigot. Your kid will remember this in a good way, and I’m glad Connor has you in his corner,” shared
Featured Image: Pexels
