Rant: Alright, Settle Down There, People Who Love Rain

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We. Get. It.

There’s really no need to announce it every time the weather is awful. While the rest of us are showing up wherever we need to be looking like we just got off Splash Mountain, you’re acting more cheerful than Snow White singing a song to wild animals. Totally sane thing to do, by the way. (Please don’t sue me, Disney)

Look:

If you really need to tell someone about your love for the rain, might I recommend someone as equally annoying, like a vegan or a person who does CrossFit? In fact, why don’t the three of you all meet up for a bite to eat and have a nice little chat while the rest of us can go on with our day?

Let’s take a look how that conversation would go…

Person Who Is Vegan: “I am vegan.”

Person Who Does CrossFit: “I do CrossFit.”

Person Who Loves Rain: “I love rain.”

The rest of the conversation will consist solely of two of the people listing off things they can’t eat and the third person just sighing while gazing at the water droplets on the restaurant windows. But I digress…

Here’s the main problem with people who love rain:

Every single one of you say the following thing whenever there’s a downpour:

“Oh! I love the rain! You get to build a fire, get all snuggled up under a blanket with a cup of tea or some hot chocolate, and watch movies in your sweatpants.”

Uh, this might come as a shock to you, but you don’t love rain.

YOU LOVE SHELTER.

If you actually loved rain, you’d go all Gene Kelly whenever you had to go anywhere.

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And I find it hard to believe you’re showing up to Taco Tuesdays (vegans, I’ll explain what that is to you later) looking like you just did the Ice Bucket Challenge fully clothed. Try to ignore that untimely reference and let me make my point:

You and I both know you don’t – in fact – do that.

We all stay inside as much as possible when it’s raining. Everyone loves being indoors when it’s raining. Rain is the reason indoors is even a thing! And when we’re not safe and dry inside, we’re huddled desperately under an umbrella until we can get indoors again!

At this point, you’re probably asking yourself why I’m so angry about rain. And why people who love it get on my nerves. And whether or not my parents told me they loved me enough as child because I seem so bitter. Well…here is what is pretty much a live feed of me whenever I have to go anywhere in the rain:

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Now do you understand?

And so, it is for these reasons, that people who love rain, ruin my week.

(If you need more angry ranting in your life, check out the time I went off on The Happy Birthday Song.)

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