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The 27 Dumbest Things Customers Have Ever Said

Everyone knows customers are the worst, unless they’ve only ever been customers their whole life. In that case, you might be one of the people on this list of stupid customers! Redditor u/sirferrell asked r/AskReddit for people to share the most outrageous, foolish, weird, and contradictory stuff they ever heard from people they waited on, sold stuff to, or bargained with. There were thousands and thousand of replies.

The responses make a very good case for the idea that everyone should have to wait tables at least once in their life. If you’re always in a position of power you never get to hear how demanding and ridiculous other people can be. You also never stop and listen to yourself complaining that the ice is too cold, or something.

There are also a surprising number of people who don’t know how to charge wireless devices or how allergies work. Maybe they’ll recognize themselves in these stories and make a change for the better?

Nah.

1.

“My laptop won’t turn on!”
“Did you plug it in and charge the battery?”
“NO! This is a laptop! It doesn’t need to be plugged in!”
“Ma’am, the battery still needs to be charg…”
“LISTEN! This is a laptop!”—Garvilan

2.

Customer: Can I get a Big Mac, a poutine, and a large coffee double double. Me: Alright, so I will make that a meal for you so it’s cheaper. Customer: I don’t want a meal. I want a BIG MAC, A POUTINE, AND A LARGE DOUBLE DOUBLE. THAT’S IT. NO MEAL.

Me: Ma’am.. those three items together are a meal. I can charge you separately for more money if you want but a meal is cheaper. Customer: huffs I said no meal. Let me pay. proceeds to pay $3-$4 extra just because she doesn’t want a meal I don’t understand customers sometimes.—k0maru

3.

When I used to waitress I once had a customer complain I put too much ice in her glass of water because it would water down the flavor…I didn’t even know how to respond to that.—FairBootlace

4.

“Your total comes to $32.23”
“I only have $20.” “….”
“Can I still have it?”
“….no.”—Closer-To-The_Sun

5.

I once had a customer bring back a laptop she bought the day before claiming it was broken. She said it wouldn’t open, I asked her if it was windows not loading up or a program not opening, she said the laptop itself wouldn’t physically open.

I took it out of the box, opened it up and just looked at her. Her mouth fell open, she looked at me and said “Oh, it opens that side! Me and my sister tried for an hour to open it up last night and couldn’t” She had been trying to open it from the hinge side…—MunkeyMann

6.

I work at walmart stocking shelves in the grocery department. During one busy day a woman came up to me with a crying kid, probably about 5 years old, and said (exact quote) “my kid is pissing me off, watch him for me while I go get some things.”

I told her that it wasn’t my job to watch her kid and that I had to go in back and do things and he couldn’t come with me anyway, so then she told me she was going to walk away and leave her kid there and if anything happened to him it would be my fault. So I told her if she did that I was going to take her kid to customer service and tell them he was lost and have them page her until she came back.

She started to walk away anyway so I took her kids hand and started to bring him to customer service and then all of a sudden she yelled “WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH MY SON” and I froze, but fortunately a bunch of customers had overheard the whole conversation and explained what had happened to my manager who kicked her out of the store.—but_theres_dragons

7.

Back in college, I worked over the summer for a tour bus company in Washington, DC. While driving past the Washington Monument, a woman asked me “How do they get all the flags to fly in the same direction?”—habragg

8.

I have been a waiter for years but by far the stupidest thing I’ve ever had happen to me at work happened when I was just starting out. I was waiting on a family of four and they all ordered Ice waters. I brought them their drinks and then a few minutes later the mom waves me over.

She says ” The out side of my glass is wet” I stare at it and see the beads of condensation on the outside of the glass. ” Yeah it’s called condensation, its what happens when you have Ice water in a room temperature glass” she stares at me like I’m a f**king alien, and then I realize that this was my future as a waiter, dealing with f**king idiots. I took her drink and wiped it off with a towel and handed it back to her.—[deleted]

9.

‘Would you like some jalapeños with your nachos?’ ‘No, I’m massively allergic. I could die.’ ‘Oh, then you shouldn’t have any of this then, the cheese and salsa dips you asked for both contain jalapeños’ ‘Oh; don’t worry. I’m not actually allergic. Just not a fan’. You f***ing thundering bag of d**ks, I wasn’t going to force them down your throat. Say ‘no thanks’ and we’re done.—Greywalker22

10.

Cellphone store right before the dawn of the smartphone: 
Customer: “I need my information off my old phone.”
Me: “Okay where is it?”
Customer: “At the bottom of a lake.”—sunghooter