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People Are Feeling Attacked By These Hilarious But Mean 1979 Horoscopes

Whether or not you believe in astrology, it’s probably easy to understand why people enjoy horoscopes: they’re a way to feel for just a moment that the universe cares about you. Ridiculous? Maybe. Comforting? Yes!

Horoscopes are usually filled with vague, encouraging platitudes that tell you you’re great, you’re doing great, and things will soon be going great. That’s the support we need.

But what if we read horoscopes just to get absolutely dragged instead? A Twitter user named @friends3000 shared a picture of an aged-looking piece of paper that appears to be typewritten with a horoscope for each sun sign written across it.

“1979 horoscope i am f*cking begging you to read this,” they captioned it.

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Each and every horoscope is the most insulting thing you could possibly read about yourself…and it’s oddly satisfying.

Aquarius: “You lie a great deal.”

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Pisces: “Generally a dipsh*t.”

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Aries: “You are a pr*ck.”

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Taurus: “Nothing but a dam communist.”

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Gemini: “Cheap bastard/b*tch.”

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Cancer: “Won’t be worth sh*t.”

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Leo: “You arrogance is disgusting.”

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Virgo: “Often fall asleep while f*cking.”

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Libra: “All Libras dies of veneral disease.”

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Scorpio: “Total lack of ethics.”

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Sagittarius: “Not worth the time of day.”

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Capricorn: “You should kill yourself.”

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Are these horoscopes really from the ’70s? Who knows, but people find them entirely relatable in the year 2020, based on the response. It was almost like people were excited to embrace and believe these insults, the same way they would compliments:

Astrology might not be real, but these are some real burns.

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