Date guys who love their dogs. They always go home early.
— The Exception. (@Not_The_Rule) December 9, 2018
me: I am so sick of being single, someone please date me
a man: Hi
— ᴮᴱ abby⁷ (@4bbytweet) December 11, 2018
I told my sister to stop dating broke guys
And she told me if that's what all brother were saying to their sisters
I would be single too
— Soldier↪ (@PatohShanqueels) May 3, 2018
Her: I love sensitive guys
Me: I think that makes you so special, and it's what inspired me to write my most recent sonnet about you
Her: nope, not like that
— Sock Hollidre (@sock_holliday) July 24, 2018
Me: *pronounces date like pâté*
Date: *pushing chair back in* I'm actually busy tonight
— Pivo (@bautanist) September 22, 2018
[watching the Fast and the Furious, Vin Diesel appears on screen]
me: *whispers to date* that’s groot
— Elvish Presley (@_elvishpresley_) September 29, 2018
[On a date]
Him: I love a woman with a sense of humor, I'm a sucker for a good pun.
Me: omg same. lol Jeremy if you were sliced up into little pieces and soaked in coffee liqueur and then layered between ladyfingers you'd be a jeramisu.
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) December 12, 2018
Let your date know you’re cultured by taking her to the symphony and saying “oh okay cool they’re doing it that way” when the oboes kick in
— andrew (@AndrewChamings) January 16, 2018
Date: you know that was just a filter, right?
Me: *upset she’s not part puppy* it’s fine, I’m fine
— Bewg (@bewgtweets) July 16, 2018