Him: Let's do it doggy-style
Me: I prefer catty-style
Him: oo what's tha-
Me: *already pushing him off the bed*
— schmox (@IvoryGazelle) March 20, 2018
[making out with date]
her: oooh someone's being naughty
me: [pulls away from kissing] shhh shut the fuck up, santa might hear you
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) December 5, 2018
me: would you like to come out for dinner tonight
date: ok, how about 7?
me: let's just have one and see
— john (@mrjohndarby) November 16, 2018
her: yeah i'm gonna go
me: wait you only heard 12 out of my 37 reasons the emperor's new groove is the best disney movie
— rob from online 📱 (@robfromonline) December 12, 2018
Her: *flirting* I like someone who is good in bed.
Me: *trying to impress* I slept for 14 hours yesterday.
— ste(ph)en (@stephenjmolloy) April 19, 2018
me: you're so beautiful
date: oh I bet you say that to all the girls
me: quiet, I'm on the phone
— marf (@MarfSalvador) January 9, 2018
Date: when the waiter said enjoy your meal, did you say "you too"?
Me: ok you heard that
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) August 2, 2018
Why doesn’t anybody love me the way people on Catfish love strangers who won’t video chat
— Michaela Okland (@MichaelaOkla) July 11, 2018
i don’t get how u cheat on a significant other. like how do you get 2 different ppl to like u. how
— touc (@aspiringtoucan) July 2, 2018