It’s that time of the week again where the week is fucking OVER.
Do you know what that means? It means it’s time to GET WRECKED on some White Claws!
It’s also time for you to sit back and scroll through some hilarious tweets from women who are themselves hilarious. What a lucky person you are right now! Now go ahead and get through this list, you’ll thank me later.
Grinding men’s bones to make their bread
— Cathy Humes (@CrappyFumes) August 1, 2019
A short film titled “Pretending to fix my hair in the bathroom mirror for a really long time because I’m waiting for someone to leave so I can take my big shit” pic.twitter.com/gyYlM1rsWH
— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) August 1, 2019
our internet isn’t connected yet and my husband owns 3 DVDs: 28 Days Later, the Matrix and season 5 of the Simpsons. I feel like I’m in a college guy’s ‘take 3 things’ desert island answer
— lucy valentine (@LucyXIV) July 31, 2019
My kink is watching men saunter into female-dominated workout classes thinking they’re in for a relaxing hour, then dying on top of their 7.5 pound weights when they realizes women are strong as f*ck.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) July 29, 2019
Witnessed the best party exit of my life yesterday: an adult told the six-year-old, “I like your unicorn backpack.” The girl paused on the steps and, without even casting a backwards glance, said, “Maybe you can get one someday.” Then she disappeared through the doggy door
— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) July 28, 2019
I knew a guy who got his mouth stuck on a doorknob cause he wanted to prove he could suck a dick that big. He’s a cop now. pic.twitter.com/5RlHPPFfTV
— Lauren Hough (@laurenthehough) July 28, 2019
All of my tattoos are meaningful. They mean I’m fucking sick.
— genesis (@kornrare) July 30, 2019
me: y’all fr be catering to grown ass men??? smh
my bf: my neck hurts I think I slept on it funny
— RUBY (@rubysoleiI) July 30, 2019
Sex is good but have you ever gotten a dm from someone saying your ex was so bad at DJ-ing he is no longer allowed back in the establishment?
— Whacktose Intolerant (@MillyTamarez) August 1, 2019
When someone unworthy of you wants to smash pic.twitter.com/Nbv88moSVH
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) August 2, 2019
Spyro doesn’t like it when I laugh at his big belly pic.twitter.com/UTPi4M9TW5
— Maddi 🌻 (@maddiwray6) July 31, 2019
The urgent care doctor who couldn't do anything for my tooth hurting said, "Go ahead and take a prescription amount of Advil, that's 4." I said, "I take 4 Advil at a time when I'm not in pain."
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) July 31, 2019
You ever throw me into a pool, im dying off principal. Have fun with that murder charge pic.twitter.com/rdhDygqSH2
— 🦂 Lil Zest 🦂 (@Seoul_Calibur) July 28, 2019
Vibrator died so you know what i have to do
— bojack tweet bot (@Revelacaa) July 30, 2019