Masha
If you’ve ever dated someone who you thought was your man, but then realized he eats 10% of his weight a day in plant matter, he shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, and is also choking on your alibis while opening up his eager eyes, he’s not your man: He’s somewhere between manatee, Johny Cash, and Mr. Brightside.
If that made no sense to you, and if you believe dating in general to be a confusing matter, don’t despair. Twitter might be able to help.
A new meme launched by Twitter user @KylePlant Emoji on November 22nd, 2018, frames tidbits of pseudo-dating advice into an easily-digestible format of 280 characters or less.
Ladies, if he:
– only responds after you double text
– doesn't care about your snap streak
– refuses to shave
– is a staunch abolitionist
– returns to Ohio after serving only one termHe's not your man. He's 19th president Rutherford B Hayes
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) November 22, 2018
Kyle’s genius tweet quickly went viral, racking up likes faster than a Beyonce Instagram post. It also launched the following slew of variations:
1.
Ladies, if he:
– Is slick as Gaston
– Is quick as Gaston
– Has a neck that's incredibly thick as Gaston
– Shoots like Gaston
– Makes those beauts like Gaston
– Goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
– Uses antlers in all of his decoratingHe's not your man. He's Gaston.
— Faith Moore (@FaithKMoore) November 25, 2018
2.
https://twitter.com/bdmx__/status/1066605520251957248
3.
https://twitter.com/Audenary/status/1067047451243225088
4.
Ladies, if he's:
-perfect
He's not your man. He's Gritty
— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) November 26, 2018
5.
https://twitter.com/NOTVIKING/status/1066805478972248064
6.
Ladies, if he:
– is always late
– never shaves
– eats 10% of his weight a day in plant matter
– leaves you every winter for warmer watersHe’s not your man, he’s a manatee.
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) November 25, 2018
7.
Ladies, if he:
– defends you in battle
– is your protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil
-casts all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls into hellHe’s not your man. He’s St. Michael the Archangel.
— Cassie (@comcatholicgrl) November 25, 2018
8.
https://twitter.com/rachel/status/1066189521941860353
9.
https://twitter.com/resentfultweet/status/1067159558701772800
10.
https://twitter.com/roxiqt/status/1066128565391962112
