Nate Armbruster
Remember the 90s? That lovely decade where we all wore baggy jeans while we decided what movie to rent from Blockbuster. Some would say it was a simpler time, but only if you knew these life hacks.
In hindsight, these life hacks are pretty hilarious when you consider how much things have changed since the 90s. See how many of these you remember.
1. “If You Want To Download A Song, Start Downloading Before Bed. It Should Be At Like 99% By The Time You Wake Up”
2. “If Your Mouse Is Lagging, Take Out The Ball And Clean It. It’s Probably Just Dusty”
3. “When Burning Your Next Ripped Smashmouth, Nirvana Or Alanis Morisette Cd, Make Sure You Close All Open Programs To Avoid Buffer Underrun”
4. “Use Sites Like Mapquest To Print Directions For Where You’re Heading. Never Get Lost Again”
5. “If You Have A Quick Message For Someone, And You Are Near A Payphone But Don’t Have 25 Cents, Dial 1-800-Collect And When It Asks To Say Your Name, Say The Message Real Fast. ::ring Ring:: “Hello?” “You Have A Collect- Call From [ma-Practiceisovercomepickmeup], Will You Accept The Charges?”
6. “If The Game Isn’t Working, Just Take It Out And Blow On It”
7. “Never Shut Down Your Computer Unless You See The ‘It’s Now Okay To Shut Down Your Computer'”
8. “Keep A Disposable Camera In Your Glove Compartment. If You Get Into A Car Accident You Can Use It To Take Photos For Insurance Purposes”
9. “When You Get A 2-Day Rental From Blockbuster In The Evening, You Actually Have Until The Morning Of The Third Day To Return It Without A Late Fee”
10. “Grab The Free Aol Floppies At Comp USA Checkout Stands, Then Place A Piece Of Tape Over The Lock Hole. Reformat The Disk, And Use Them For Personal Files”
11. “Can’t Afford A Magic Eye Poster? Simply Take A Photo Of Some TV Static, Stick It To Your Wall And Tell Everyone It’s A Dolphin”
12. “In Simcity, Press Ctrl+shift+c And Enter ‘Motherlode’ For An Extra 50,000 Simoleons”
13. “When Leaving Your Car Hide Your Radio”
14. “If You Get A Prank Call, Just Dial *69 To Call Those Bastards Back And Confront Them”
15. “If You Don’t Have Any More Room In Your Packed Bags Before Flying Somewhere, Wear Cargo Pants And Cram A Bunch Of Stuff In The Pockets. To Avoid Getting Gouged On Drinks At The Airport, Stuff A Couple Bottlers Of Soda In Those Pockets, And A Plastic Flask”
16. “When Playing Simon, Assign Each Color A Number. Count Them Out As They Light Up, It’s Easier To Remember A Number Sequence Than Colors”
17. “If A Winged Tamagotchi Appears On Your Screen, It Means That Your Tamagotchi Decided To Go Back To It’s Home Planet. But Don’t Despair, Simply Press The (A) And (C) Buttons At The Same Time And Your New Egg Is Ready For Hatching”
18. “Twist A Knotted Slinky Counter To The Knot, Then Twist Back The Opposite Direction To Quickly Fix A Messed Up Slinky”
19. “When You’re Watching Scrambled Porn Around Midnight On The Playboy Or Spice Channels, Make Sure You Have Cartoon Network Or Espn On Your “Last Channel” Button Just In Case Mom Or Dad Check On You”
20. “Waiting For A Phone Call Call And Don’t Want Your Parents To Hear It Ring? Call The Movie Theater And Listen To Today’s Listings Until Call Waiting Beeps”
21. “Save Yourself A Lot Of Time And Invest In A Vhs Rewinder”
22. “Your Computer Game Running Too Fast Or Too Slow? Switch The Turbo Button On Your Computer Case On/Off”
23. “Computer Frozen? Hold Ctrl+alt+delete To Close The Application Or Restart”
24. “Use A Safety Pin To Securely Attach The Ty Tag To Your Beanie Baby And Ensure It Won’t Lose Value”
25. “Hold Your Slammer Between Two Fingers, And Throw It Down Hard While Spinning It. This Will Cause Most Of The Pogs To Flip! If You’re Playing For Keeps, Jackpot!”
26. “Frost Your Tips For 100% Success With The Ladies”
27. “Pad All Important Files To 1.45mb So They’re Too Big To Be Stolen On A Floppy Disk”
28. “Convince Your Friends That You’re A Supercool Raver By Sticking Strips Of Coloured Tin Foil To Your Trousers”
29. “Don’t Want People To Read Your Diary? Simply Hide It Inside An Empty Sliding Doors Vhs Case”
30. “Tired Of Paying The Outrageous 3$ For A Pop At The Movies? Wear Cargo Pants And Sneak Snacks In That Way”
