Patricia Grisafi
Who should pay on a first date? Certainly, we’ve done our share of digging into the topic, and shared almost every perspective possible.
But Australian podcaster Jana Hocking recently penned an essay about dating that’s generating some controversy. In the essay, Hocking talks about her biggest turn-off: when men don’t pay the bill.
“I’ve liked perfectly lovely guys, but if they’ve gone tight on a bill, I am instantly turned off,” she writes.
“Over the weekend I went out with a bloke and was chuffed when he made a big deal about paying the bill. It was assertive and manly, and kind of a turn-on. It also said in no uncertain terms that he enjoyed the date and was willing to invest.”
Personally, I love when people are willing to invest in me. I am like a trust fund, and I just flourish when you drop coins in my slot! Yes, that’s a double entendre. But in all seriousness, Hocking’s essay is an exercise in a lot of sexist, misogynist, and flat-out factually inaccurate statements about evolutionary biology.
Hocking seems to think that “going dutch” is a sign that a man is not willing to go the extra mile in a relationship and might not be that interested after all. But even further, if a date wants to split, it can put the kibosh on the entire relationship: “I also clearly remember being on a date with a guy I thought I might quite like, but when he really stared at my purse as the bill came and wouldn’t even reach for his own until I had placed my card on the bill tray first. It left a bad taste in my mouth. Would he always be like this? Counting his pennies,” she writes.
Hocking’s gripe seems like it could be easily solved if she and any potential dates communicated and discussed what their expectations were regarding paying for drinks and meals. But sometimes you just want to complain about something that doesn’t really feel meaningful in today’s evolving culture where gender binaries are happily crumbling.
What do you think? Does Hocking have a point or is she just shouting into the wind?
Lead image via Jana Hocking/Instagram.
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