covid wedding
AITA

Bride-To-Be Asks If She Can Demote Maid Of Honor For Disinviting Her From COVID Wedding

While there’s always been a ton of drama surrounding weddings, the COVID-19 pandemic has definitely bred new and different kinds of drama. The wedding industry as well as couples have tried to adapt to the new world we inhabit—we’ve seen Zoom weddings, socially distanced weddings, and even special wedding masks.

Some people have opted to cancel their weddings in favor of eloping while others are just postponing indefinitely. And, like this Reddit post explains, some people, are having to cope with not making the cut as an attendee to a COVID-era wedding. 

“I got engaged about six months ago and I chose my best friend, Amy, to be my maid of honor. We’ve known each other since we were in elementary school and have been friends for more than 15 years. She was really excited and said yes immediately,” the OP writes. 

“Amy’s getting married in October. I’m not in her wedding party because she and her fiance decided to only ask their siblings to stand up with them (she has a ton of friends and said she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, which I respected). Originally she and her fiance had invited around 100 people, including me and my fiance, but because of COVID, they decided to move it to her parents’ backyard and cut the guest list. She apologized profusely and told me they had to limit it to 25 people for safety reasons, but my fiance and I would still be able to watch the ceremony via livestream.” 

Yeah, it’s disappointing to not be there for your friend’s wedding because of a pandemic. I mean, who could have known? But then, one of Amy’s other friends posted a photo to Facebook and made a comment about how she couldn’t wait to be there on the big day—and the OP got upset. 

“I asked Amy about this, and she got embarrassed and said she was really sorry, but she only had space to invite five friends and it was a really hard decision. She swore she did think of me as a close friend and said there were lots of good friends she hadn’t been able to invite either, and she felt terrible about it. She did seem genuinely sorry and upset,” the OP says. 

“I know Amy has a lot of friends outside of me, but I can’t help but feel crushed. It would never even have occurred to me that I’m not even in her top FIVE closest friends. I feel like I can’t look at our friendship the same way anymore and really want to ask her to step down.” 

What should the OP do? Redditors had some suggestions, emphasizing that having to whittle down your guest list because of COVID-19 is probably not a pleasant task. 

“Amy is an asshole and, considering you made her MOH, you’d think she’d at least invite you to her wedding if there were non-family guests. But she lied about that and got caught. Amy’s NOT an asshole for not making you MOH; her reasoning was acceptable. (For example, my best friend, who was my best man, made his brother best man. Told me in advance, I was totally on board with it.) So, if you kicked her out of the wedding party, I’d get it. TBH, I’m curious if you even want to be friends with this person anymore,” said FrnchsLwyr.

“Weddings are tough, especially during a pandemic. OP has every right to hurt feelings (I would be extremely upset!), but Amy doesn’t have to defend her wedding choices to OP. It’s a tough spot for both of them,” explained sharpen_up. 

“It always sucks to find out that you aren’t as important to someone as you thought you were. It hurts. I’m sorry that you had to find that out. That said, weddings are hard enough to plan without a pandemic. When your guest list is limited to 25ish people and you have family from 2 sides to worry about, you run out of spots awfully quickly. Amy chose the people including the 5 friends she wanted to share her day with the most. I’m a firm believer that it’s YOUR day, so it’s important that you are around the people YOU want to be there. In that same light, if Amy’s actions hurt you to the point where you no longer feel that you’ll be able to enjoy your wedding day without the crimp in the friendship being a distraction, you have every right to let her know that you’d no longer like her to be your MOH. As MOH especially, she’d be involved with almost everything on your big day. You don’t want what is supposed to be one of the happiest days in your life to to be ruined with resentment,” said nfc3po. 

“I agree with all of this. It sucks to know that someone doesn’t consider you their top 5 friend when you consider them your top 1 friend. But it happens. She never said it was family only for the 25 person wedding and also didn’t rub it in OP’s face. Does OP have the right to be sad? Yes. Does OP have the right to say ‘hey, I’m hurt by this and would prefer not to have to basically plan my wedding with you’? Definitely. But this is just a bummer part of life and I don’t think anyone (including Amy) had malicious intent here,” terrible-aardvark noted. 

“Look, planning a wedding and cutting the guest list js hard enough. It was her wedding she did what she wanted. It’s your wedding, do what you want to. The thing with MOH is that usually people put their BFF or their Sister or someone close as MOH. But ask yourself this: who do i want to depend on the days leading up to the wedding and the wedding day? MOH is going to be the go to person and the person who will handle everything (if you don’t have a wedding planner) so pick someone organized and who can get shit done and put out fires. Is this Lady that person for you? Then keep her, I mean, you asked her for a reason right?” said doordonot19. 

“You made Amy your MOH, which would tell me that you two are fairly close friends. When she stated they had to cut the wedding down to 25 people, she more than likely hoped you’d assume it was family only – as you did. I’d also be incredibly upset to know that someone I’m asking to be my MOH doesn’t even want me at her own wedding. That fact alone, should have told her to extend the invite to you. I’d find a new MOH, apologize profusely – as she tried to do to you, and ask her that you hope she understands your decision to remove her from your wedding,” suggested Rainbow62993. 

What would you advise the OP to do?

More COVID wedding drama:

Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.