Dad Rats Out Daughter’s Fiancée For Asking For A Dowry And She Cancels The Wedding

Ah, in-laws. Or in the case of this post from Reddit’s AITA, future in-laws. When you marry your partner, whether you like it or not, sometimes you end up spending extended time with their family. If you get along, great! But what if your future in-laws have some antiquated notions about what your daughter is supposed to do once she marries their son?

One Dad concerned about the sexism he saw in his daughter’s fiancée’s family advised her daughter to cancel the engagement—which she did. Did he overstep his bounds or was he just looking out for his daughter’s happiness? 

“I have a daughter (27) who was with her boyfriend for 7 years and they got engaged not long ago (just a small party, not many guests). She always talks to me about how she loved him, how he always listens to her and he was made for her. I have agreed with her, since I found him to be a good natured man, he was kind and humble and was always respectful to our family,” the OP writes. 

Sounds good so far, right? What could possibly be the problem? 

“We’ve met his parents for dinner twice or thrice and they hit me as a little sexist, asking questions to my wife like, ‘I don’t know why you’re working, isn’t that the husband’s job? It’s the mothers job to be taking care of the children.'” 

So, they’re not the most forward-thinking family, but does that mean their son will follow in their footsteps and expect his wife to give up her career and stay home? 

“Anyways we have been planning about the marriage, and one day her boyfriend comes to me and says that his parents want to talk to me. I was going to call my daughter too, but he said that she wasn’t allowed. I went with him and his parents started talking with me about DOWRY. I was confused and said that there was no dowry and in 2021 who even gives dowry?” 

“But boyfriend and his parents started lecturing me about how necessary it was and how my daughter would be a stay at home wife (my daughter has told me that she wants to continue her dreams so I don’t know what this is).” 

“Anyways they told me that I should give it a thought and told me not to tell my daughter for the time being. However I immediately told my daughter about it, and she started crying saying she didn’t know that her boyfriend was so sexist. She asked me what she could do now, and I told her that she wasn’t being forced and could cancel her marriage if she didn’t want it.” 

Well, the daughter put the kibosh on the wedding.

Now, the boyfriend and his parents are calling the OP and saying that he’s breaking up a “healthy marriage” and that he’s an a**hole. “But it’s my daughter’s happiness that matters,” the OP said—and guess what? He’s absolutely right.

Redditors are praising his parenting and his support of his daughter’s dreams and goals. 

“You saved your daughter from a life of hell. Sorry she had to go through that though. I’m sure it was a shock to realize her ex and her almost-in-laws are misogynistic AH’s. Hope she’s doing okay. 7 years is a long time. How did this not ever come up before?” asked No-Construction-17. 

“If the daughter canceled that easily, there’s NO WAY she didn’t have doubts about this guy and his family. OP may have helped her onto the diving board, but she was already ready to jump,” said INTJedi. 

“This is the kind of parenting that the modern world needs. Supportive and caring but not afraid to step in when needed. Hope you and your daughter are ok,” said Bread-Butter-Mondays. 

“You gave her advice, but, ultimately, it was her choice. Her ex-future-husband seems like a very toxic and manipulative person. It is beyond bizarre that they would ask for a dowry (assuming you live in a Western country, as I know this is still common in some places). And it raises all sorts of alarm to me that he didn’t want you to tell her about the dowry,” observed Revolutionary_Tune89.