Patricia Grisafi
Having a newborn, especially during a pandemic, is tricky.
Who can come and meet the baby? Are there any rules that need to be in place to make everyone feel comfortable? It’s a lot to take in.
One new mom on Reddit’s AITA forum just gave birth on Christmas, and she and her husband made a list of rules that need to be followed by all people who want to come and visit.
However, some people found her list to be excessive and prohibitive on a massive scale — what should the family do?
“So I (34f) gave birth on Christmas Day before my sons birth and to lessen visits. We (my husband 28m) made a list in October and sent it out to everyone. Some rules include — up to date on ALL vaccines — if you feel anyway sick don’t visit,” the OP wrote.
Great, that seems totally reasonable. But there’s more.
“Let us know a week before hand so we can arrange a day/time. No smokers, no phone calls or visits between 7:30pm-10pm — you can only stay an hour, no picking up the baby without consent, no advice, no perfume/deodorant, no is no we won’t explain why, no pictures to be taken or posted on social media, if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list, before you ever come no matter how many times you will be given a list of either food or groceries to bring with you AND a chore for a list of your choosing, no more than two visits a week per person.”
“It’s help to keep the visits to minimum and no one can complain about favouritism because everyone is treated equally. Which brings me onto my current situation my sister in law (20f) studies in a different part of the country and is rarely home asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school, so we set up a date with link to our gift list then sent her the takeout we’d like including the chores she can choose from.”
“She immediately texted back saying she’s broke and can she do extra chores instead, Me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person everyone would want the same treatment. We told her no that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit. She begged even said would clean the whole house because it would be June before she’s would be home again and we simply texted no. She didn’t reply.”
“She left this morning and we got multiple texts for my in laws belittling us for using our child as a cash grab, my husband simply replied it was our rules and no one deserves special treatment than told his family they were on a time out and blocked them. Since then my family and our friends have told us we were wrong because she is a broke college student and they would have understood if we looked the other way once. We have tried reaching out to his sister but she won’t reply.”
I mean, I wouldn’t reply either. Look, boundaries are important when it comes to a new baby, but some rules can surely be bent if the health and safety of the baby is not at risk. What do Redditors think?
“YTA. Your rules went from 0 to 60. Like smoking and vaccines, yeah. But gift cards and chores? The entitlement is strong with this one,” noted ToPiggyback.
“This f*ckin baby better do my taxes and get me a huge refund if I am required to roll through like the Three Wise Men and provide manual labor from an approved list. What in the everloving f*ck,” said RuckFeddit21.
“YTA. That ‘list’ of yours is ridiculous. Anyone who wants to see the baby must bow at your feet, bring tribute, and go to work for you? Wtf,” said tryandbereasonable14.
“YTA. And yes, you are using your child as a cash grab. NO ONE is obligated to buy you gifts or takeout. Or groceries. It seems like your friends and family are realizing that you don’t want them to actually bond with the baby or visit because they are family. You just want things. Oh and your house cleaned,” stated sheramom4.
“The fact that SIL was willing to submit to those rules if only she could afford it, like she was willing to ignore the insanity of those rules and offer to clean their entire house because she wanted to see the baby so badly. The heartlessness of OP and husband to say no to that because that means other people wouldn’t spend $80 on a visit. Gosh,” said sortaangrypeanut.
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