Is It Wrong To Share Pregnancy News At A Wedding?—Woman Who Struggled With Fertility Sparks Debate

Ever get the sense on Reddit that if you post something asking if you acted inappropriately at a wedding, they are going to scream YES and then stab you with a thousand pitchforks? There are definitely a lot of things you should not do at a wedding, like pledge your undying love to the bride or groom, but like any other social gathering there are levels of cringe-worthiness.

One woman who shared her pregnancy news with some friends at a wedding is still feeling the ramifications of that action—and she wants to know if that’s fair. 

“My husband and I have been trying for a baby for over 5 years. When we went to a fertility doctor, we were told my husband had a low sperm count. A few months later I was diagnosed with endometriosis, making our chances of natural conception incredibly low. We decided we were going to try for another year and then look into adoption. I found out in November that I’m pregnant and due in early August.” 

I’ve struggled with infertility, so whenever I hear someone triumph over that awfulness, I am excited for them. Infertility can take you to some dark places, and you are desperate to share good news when it comes. But is a wedding the best place to share that news? 

“We have a big group of friends and we all live pretty far away from each other as well all went to university in different places and moved there. It’s very rare we’re all together and the news of my long awaited pregnancy was one I wanted to share in person and not over the phone. I didn’t make a massive announcement, I simply just people as I saw them. A lot of people knew we were struggling so wanted to see how we were getting on. It drew a bit of attention but nothing major.” 

“My best friend dragged me away towards the end of the night and said she was furious with me for making this night all about me. I was apologetic but explained my reasoning and expected her to be happy for me. She was anything but and has made absolutely no effort with me since.” 

Sharing pregnancy news at a big event depends on the people involved—and it sounds like the bride and her best friend are on totally different pages. Also, I would have told my best friend as soon as I peed on the stick—hell, if she could have she probably would held the stick for me. 

Some Redditors pretty much gave this mama-to-be the thumbs-down with exceptional vitriol.

“You hijacked what’s supposed to be their special day to make an announcement about you,” said On3Scoop.

“What the Fuck? It’s her day. It should be all about her and the husband. You could’ve organized a surprise party later if you wanted people to know that bad.” said Reverse_Lick

“Part of me wants to say, just ask for permission beforehand, since I’ve heard of people proposing at friends weddings or making other announcements and people were happy on all sides. But the other part of me is like, don’t ask that kind of thing because you’re just putting your friend in a weird position to awkwardly deny it if they’re not up for that. So I guess unless your friend suggests it to you directly as a great idea for their future wedding, I don’t think it’s fair to impose like that,” suggested monichan94.

“You clearly knew your pregnancy announcement was a huge thing if you wanted to tell everyone in person and have been waiting as long as you have to be able to conceive,” said BunzBoi. “Weddings and pregnancies are both high on the life achievement board. You should have just had your own party instead of hijacking someone else’s.” 

Other Redditors, however, explained that the OP was not being an attention hog about it and just sharing news with friends like one does at a wedding. 

“You didn’t make a huge announcement to the whole room, just told people as you were chatting Idk I just dont see why people make such a huge deal over these things… especially over someone catching up and mingling with friends they haven’t seen in ages. Hand out fliers at the beginning policing what people can and can’t talk about at your wedding if you want to be that controlling,” said WinterWolf3098.

“I feel like this is reddit mob mentality in full swing tbh. like, what about guests who are visibly pregnant, are they all gaping assholes? it’s hard for people to get together as adults, are you not supposed to catch up and talk about your life at weddings?? like, id sure hope it takes more than some chit chat to upstage the bride and groom by accident,” said diewithmagnificence.

“This is stupid. You didn’t grab a mic and make an announcement or take over a toast. I mean WTF if a friend says, ‘what’s going on with you guys?’ are you supposed to just say, ‘nothing of importance, just focus on the bride’ It’s a totally normal thing to tell people who are important to you significant news when you get a chance to see them. Are you seriously expected to just make small talk just to make the bride the star? The whole attention thing is so childish anyway. You did nothing wrong in having a normal conversation with your friends,” said TheSavageBallet.

What do you think? Was the OP wrong in sharing her pregnancy news at her best friend’s wedding?

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Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.