Kids are a bunch of little weirdos and teachers are in place not just for education, but for crowd control. A group of 30+ children are going to get into trouble if an adult doesn’t intervene at key moments. That doesn’t mean teachers don’t appreciate the weirdness, on some level. Redditor u/poprockreaper asked on sub r/AskReddit, “Teachers of Reddit. What’s the coolest thing you’ve confiscated of a child?”
You can sense the grudging respect for some of their classroom trouble makers in their responses. While a child who sneaks a dog into class is causing a disruption, they’re also trying to help an animal. While a child tasing people with a homemade taser is possibly a sociopath, they are pretty good with electronics. Read through the best replies for the stuff you should definitely check your kid’s backpack for every morning.
Took a pair of handcuffs during second period today. Got a lot of grief when I walked into the office with them… —Cantharellusformosus
A kid in my class had a Bb Gun. The VP noticed it as he crossed the room. He took it out of the bag and was giving the kid a bollocking when he shot himself in the hand with it.
VP went mental and smashed it off the table.
Kids parents supposedly demanded the VP compensated them for said gun. —Bonneville555
Educational assistant, but whatever. A makeshift taser. This kid had rigged up a “taser” using a couple of 9v batteries, wire, tape, and some sort of button from what could have been a toy.
It wasnt dropping kids, but it was enough to make you jump. I was impressed, but also wanted to pull the little shits arms off and slap the snot out of him with his own arms because he kept stabbing girls in the chest with it. Middle school kids are a weird point where they are too smart for children, but are certainly not human. —magnummentula
One of my teachers took my yo-yo and tried to do a trick she “once knew” and smashed a window. —Bubblykit
A redback spider from the gently closed palm of a 7 year old boy’s hand, almost every recess for a month before I figured out a way to make him stop. He was never bitten. —elliedogsmum
Scorpion in a jar.
The kid had put in leaves, twigs and even some smaller bugs for it to eat, made a real habitat.
HOWEVER, he was clumsy as hell and had a top locker above a concrete floor. No way I was going to risk him smashing the jar and letting it loose in corridor.
Gave it back to him at the end of the day with very clear instructions it was not to return to school.
ETA: Yes I am in Australia, but in the south so wasn’t a particularly venomous scorpion, the sting would have caused about the same level of irritation as a bee sting (as for someone non-allergic). —HappiHappiHappi
He was a little 4 year old boy that would never listen to any of the rules and generally just cause a lot of trouble. Anyway, he would catch dragonflies, without harming them. When you told him to release them he would open his backpack and 2 or 3 dragonflies would fly out. —plzupvoteme
I took six bullets off of a first grader. When I asked him where he got them, he said from the gun. I then asked how he got them out of the gun and he made the movement with his hands that showed he ejected the shells. I took him to the office. While he was there, I checked his bookbag to see if he had a gun in there. Nope, just a baggie full of credit cards with 15 different names on them. Nothing happened to the child or parent. —lobstahslayah
Well this is my f*cking time to shine. My coworker and I had a mild prank war going on. Somehow, the students caught wind and decided to instigate by stealing things from his room and taking it to mine and vice-versa. Here are some of the things I’ve had to take from them and return to him:
His car keys
His entire desktop computer
Portraits of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson
Pumpkins from his Halloween decorations
His desk chair
His car keys again
A student desk
His travel mug with his name on it
At this point I’m convinced my coworker just doesn’t want his car
And somehow, in the five minutes between his class and mine, they managed to flip all the desks in his classroom upside down. I’m not making this up. —theoreticaldickjokes
I was the kid: an imitation gun that used to belong to my grandfather. The thing was ancient, and was a simple single shot percussion cap pistol. The more I think about it as an older, less stupid person, the more I worry that it was an actual gun, since he was a policeman. Never got it back, that’s for sure. —anotherjakeenglish