One Redditor had her late husband’s and son’s names tattooed on her chest to remember them after both of them passed away in an accident.
Now, her fiancé wants her to have the tattoo removed because it’s making him insecure.
“I was a widow for 3 years before I met my fiancé (Julius). I lost my husband and 4 year old son on a boating accident. When I got back on my feet after losing them, I had their names tattooed on my chest. Nothing grand, it’s just their names in cursive and two hearts,” the OP writes.
“When I met Julius I told him about my past. Including my depression and how I had to move back to my parents’ and depended on them for years. He was very understanding and after over a year of dating, he proposed.”
“Yesterday, while I was getting out of the shower, Julius asked me when I plan to have my tattoo removed. He said he knows someone who’s really good and he could give us a discount. This was the first time he mentioned something like this to me so I wasn’t sure how to respond. I just told him I have no plans of having my tattoo removed.”
“Later that day, during dinner he asked me again and I told him the same thing. He said we’re about to get married and it’s time for me to move on. I told him I have already moved on. He said it’s hardly moving on when I still have their names on my chest, that he can see every time we’re intimate. He said it makes him uncomfortable and insecure of my love for him because it looks like I can’t let go of my past. He’s been giving me the cold shoulder since. I told my mom about what happened and she told me she understands how Julius feels. AITA?”
Redditors were understandably not interested in Julius’ feelings, given that the OP lost both her husband and child.
“It takes some champion level insecurity to feel threatened by someone’s late husband AND CHILD. How callous can you get? He needs to love and accept all of who you are, not cut away or hide the parts he’d rather not see,” said Cavane42.
“Absolutely NTA First I wanna say I am so sorry for your loss. Second you are NTA. I had my ex husband’s name tattooed on my ring finger and when I got my last tattoo I had it covered because I thought it would make my boyfriend uncomfortable. He said I didn’t have to do that because of him because he knows it’s over. You have a memorial tattoo for your husband and child. Does he have issue with your kids name on there too?? You didn’t split up your family was taken from you. Thats completely different. Your fiance is being very cruel, callous and insecure. He needs to accept this because it’s a part of you. His behavior is unacceptable,” stated TimeBomb666.
“Tbh it’s a big red flag that he waited to bring up this issue until after they were engaged. He waited until things were more official and she was more invested in the relationship, therefore less likely to immediately end things. It’s not uncommon for abusers to hide their full controlling natures until after marriage, when their significant others are legally and financially bound to them, therefore making it more difficult to get away. His behavior is a big red flag imo,” said Proud_Hotel_5160.
“What the everloving f… One of the realities of a relationship with a widow is that, along with their deep strength and maturity, they come into the relationship with a past partner they didn’t break up with. That’s something your SO should have recognized a long time ago. He doesn’t replace them in your history, he adds to your future… but only if he can accept you as you are now, including that they will always be part of you. The most egregious part, to me, is him expecting you to remove both names. While being intimidated by a man who’s already passed on is troubling, expecting you to erase your son’s name for him is just horrendous. It doesn’t matter how short a time they’re in your arms or how long it’s been since, you never stop being a mom,” explained Jazmadoodle.
“NTA: if he loves you he’d understand how much those two meant to you. If he truly loved you he would know that he can’t replace them in your heart, but he can be apart of that heart. If he loved you he’d understand, but he’s making all about himself. So does he love you? Should you marry him? Does your mom understand or does she just not like tattoos? She sounds heartless, especially considering this is also about a grandson she lost,” said Elizis.
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